Hello loyal readers! I would like to take this moment to personally wish you all the best, and hope you're coping under this ongoing COVID mess. It has been a while since a more personal blog has been posted, so today let us take the time to discuss how to approach crossdressing with your parents / in laws.
Last October, I had summoned the courage to present myself en femme around my girlfriends parents. I made this decision because I am in a very serious relationship with this woman, and her parents deserved to know who I really am. After all, this seemed preferable compared to them finding out beyond my control. When I visited, I wore a very androgynous outfit as to not completely shock them. A long black tunic top, black leggings, and basic foundation with eyeliner was the look I choose. Initially, all went well and I actually felt quite comfortable while there.
My girlfriends mom said I looked cute, and her dad seemed fairly indifferent to it. When I left their house that day I felt quite proud, as I had overcome one of my biggest fears. After all, I had been putting off visiting them for several months as I felt it would cause upset among them. Unfortunately, despite my good feelings while there, I was right. Not even a few hours after getting home, my girlfriend received a text from her parents. In it, her mom wrote that I was not right for her, and that she should leave me immediately.
Even though my girlfriend proclaimed her undying love for me to her parents, it had no effect. Every time she visited them following this event, they both tried to create a rift between us by bringing up things my girlfriend had been previously insecure about. This included them stating I was gay, that I would inevitably get a sex change at some point, and that I was not welcome in their home. This went on for several months, however it reached its peak earlier this month when both her mom and dad stated I was a freak, and that I was the lowest of the low. Since my girlfriend and I are incredibly happy together, this caused her to make the unfortunate decision to cut her parents out of her life, at least for now.
This example is probably all of our worst fear; to be called a freak and judged so harshly just because of how we present ourselves. By contrast, both of my parents were accepting of me, despite some initial shock to it since they had no idea about this side of me at the time. So what is the lesson here? I personally feel I did the right thing by confronting my girlfriends parents by choice, considering the fact that I dress en femme every day. I do not even possess any male clothes anymore, aside from my gym clothes. There is no way I could have repressed this side of myself for decades to come, without her parents finding out eventually. Besides, I spent the first 20 years of my life repressing who I truly was.
So after its all said and done, I think how one chooses to confront their parents or their SO's parents is entirely up to them. If you're like me, and crossdressing is a part of your everyday life, you will inevitably have to have that confrontation. However, if you only underdress or crossdress in your private time, then perhaps keeping it hidden from people beyond your SO is best. However, the main thing I would like to say to you all is; no matter how your parents / in laws may react, there is absolutely nothing wrong with crossdressing. We all possess our own beliefs and convictions, and how other people react is not our fault. As long as you are happy in what you do, that is all that matters.
I could easily go on about this topic, as it is a very personal and emotional one. I truly empathize with those who have been in the same position. So let us take the time to vent. Have you confronted your parents or in laws about your crossdressing? What happened? What did you learn from it? We are all in this life together, and support is absolutely critical.
-Nathan
10 comments
Ally good point. He could wear less provocative clothes, like womens jeans and shirt light make up ( i wear every day) and no one knows. Question? Who is in those pics ? Beautiful Stevie Get ur lingerie on!
Hi Nathan – well you’re certainly not the first to not meet the criteria for suitability deemed appropriate by your other’s parents. In essence though, what business is it of theirs? Given a little time, I’m sure they’ll come to realise how happy you make their daughter. Far better their daughter is with someone as sensitive as you than someone abusing her.
They’ll probably take a little time to get over the shock of the way you presented to them. That’s not necessarily your fault, but the world still has its powerful nomative ideals. I’m sure the happy times their daughter spends with you will filter back to them via her and they’ll come to realise how lucky she is.
In the meantime, if you are going to see them, why not accommodate them a little? Wear jeans, a T-shirt and no make-up. After all a lot of women dress just like that a lot of the time. It’s just that they wear them over different shaped bodies to ours.
How you dress is your business and the whole world thinks differently about different things. What’s important is the loving relationship you have with your other. In time, her parents will come to appreciate that and forgive anything else they might see as a little peculiar.
With love
Ally x
I am so very sorry that after you put yourself out there to show the true you, her parents shot you down. It must have placed a big strain on your relationship. Crossdressing has been placed into the same categories as gay and trans. Although a number of transwomen start out crossdressing, it’s not what happens to the majority. How you live and dress should be a very personal journey but the world is still controlled by conservative types who got a flat on the road to enlightenment in 1950 and refuse to get out the spare and move on. Keep doing what you do and be happy. As Ricky Nelson sung in Garden Party. " You can’t please everyone, so you gotta please yourself."
I am so sorry to hear that such a terrible thing happened. I can’t imagine how you must have felt afterward but I do want you to know that so many of us out here have been where you have been and I am glad to hear that you don’t let the opinions of some awful people affect who you are and how you live/express yourself. You are beautiful and amazing as you are. You provide guidance and advice to others and allow people to fully express themselves as who they are. You are loved by those close to you and by the members of this community who are so in your debt. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. Please be safe
It’s sad that they are pressuring their daughter to make a choice that goes directly against her happiness. I am happy she chose you and I hope she continues to support you.