Have you got any recommendations of where to shop? Where to go shopping?
Well, obviously I recommend XDress, lol. But it depends on what you want to shop for. It also depends on what shops are in your area.
But I suspect that you know this. Forgive me if I am being presumptuous, but I think your question is more along the lines of "I present as masculine and I want to buy clothes that are mostly worn by women and I want to have a positive shopping experience." If I'm wrong and completely misinterpreting your question, please let me know in the comments. Otherwise, let's chat about shopping.
Aside from how intimidating shopping can be, and how overwhelming (at first) it is to navigate the seemingly complex and inconsistent sizing that is common for dresses and skirts and other cute things, we also are unsure of how others in the shops will react to, well, a masculine presenting person who wants to buy clothes that are mostly worn by women.
The truth is that you'll likely never know what other people are thinking... unless you ask them. Which is weird and you shouldn't do that. Most people in the shops are like you, they are looking for an outfit and aren't interested in interacting with others. They want to find their dress and move on with their day. And even if you could read their minds, would it matter? Yes, they may think it's not very common for a man to be looking through the skirts, but they will likely get distracted and move on.
Just don't be a spectacle, don't be weird, don't be nervous. People get nervous when other people are nervous. Try to blend in, be natural, and a gentleman.
As for the salesclerks, I can almost guarantee that you are not the first, or the only, or the last masculine presenting person that they see that is looking for "girl clothes". They work in retail, they have likely seen it all. I doubt that they care WHAT you buy, but they likely only care that the customers they interact with are friendly and not creepy. So, don't be creepy. Mind your own business, look for cute clothes, and act natural. It gets easier over time.
Besides, if the staff is being rude, leave. Don't come back. Don't make it a big deal.
Many of us want to find shops that are "crossdresser friendly". I could probably count on one hand the number of shops that do label themselves, or advertise that they are "crossdresser friendly", It's a very niche way to market a business. Instead, I look for stores that have signs like "All Are Welcome Here". If it's an independent business, I visit their website or social media. If I see content that shows that they are supportive of the LGBTQ+ community, I am more likely to shop there. I also keep an eye on what a business does with their profits. Many companies donate to charities and organizations and political figures. If I see that they are donating money to a politician that I wouldn't vote for, I won't shop there. If the business donates money to anti-LGBTQ groups, then I won't shop there. I don't want my money to be used in those ways. I don't care how cute the dress is, I can find another cute dress elsewhere. What a business does with their money is an indication of their values.
One more thing to keep in mind is that a business, a store, is run by people. Although the company itself may be very pro-LGBTQ, the cashier might hate people like ourselves and might not be shy about it.
I suppose my point is that there is no guarantee that certain shops will always be staffed with amazing people who love and accept us, but the ones that do far outweigh (in my experience) the businesses that don't.
Love, Hannah
9 comments
Good conversation and advice! Don’t be rude to those who cannot understand or accept the diverse world we live in. Further like the local slant as these small businesses are the backbone of the country. I found a cool place just out side of Detroit that offers makeovers, clothing (very supportive staff that accepts cross dressing, trans anmd the overall community very nicely!) and storage for your items. O if course XDress makes us all happy with their great products and support them as much as s possible!
I(non passable M, w/ a wife) am so lucky that I live in a town with a shop that is Xdressing friendly….the other day I walked in and was just starting to browse the panties and other stuff, looking for both me and her, and the sales associate was like if there is anything you might want to try on just let me know
Wonderful read, Hannah … it’s like most things in life, takes practice to get comfortable for most of us … really appreciate your thoughts on the topic though …
I’m just now discovering Poshmark as a great place to shop online. However, the site does not have a lot of features specifically for crossdressing so it has been a bit of a learning process to navigate & figure out, especially for appropriate sizing details!
Absolutely spot on advice. I’d add see how their store is during Pride. If they put up rainbow signs etc you know they are more likely to be supportive and accommodating. It could be just a marketing ploy these days but it might just give you a better indication as to what type of business they are, especially at other less “Pride” times of the year.
Don’t be creepy or weird in anyway is so true, smile and be honest with staff, even joke a little with them, and 99 times out of 100 you’ll be fine and might even have the best shopping experience of your life!
Phone ahead if you’re that concerned about how a shop my react so that way you stay anonymous to them and it gives them a chance to say come in at a certain time” or, “speak to or ask for “X” when you get here and they’ll look after you”. There are thousands of stores so if one says no then just move on to the next. They are in business to make money and sell stuff and your cash is usually as good as anyone else’s.