- Don’t “accidentally” leave a picture on your phone or computer for her to discover.
- Don’t surprise her by being fully dressed in skirt and blouse.
- Don’t ambush her by taking her to a counselor where you reveal your feminine self.
Your attitude should be one of care and respect. This is going to affect her life as well as yours. The first things you may need to assure her of are that you do not want to switch sexual preferences and that you are still her husband/partner and intend to remain genetically male. These are the most common fears women have when becoming aware of their man’s feminine side. In other words, they are afraid of losing their man. Hopefully you know your wife well enough to have some sense of how she will react. Some women would rather leave the relationship than see her man in a pair of panties. If this is your sense of who she is, you might want to speak to a qualified therapist first. There are those women who will never accept your cross dressing, period. Other women approach it with interest and curiosity. Hopefully your lady is one of these.
Before having “The Talk” be sure you are clear with yourself on what cross dressing means to you. Why do you do it? She’s going to ask, so be prepared. Don’t be defensive – you are simply sharing a part of yourself that she didn’t know existed. Actually, she probably sort of did, but didn’t know where it was coming from – your sensitivity, caring, nurturing. All these things that can make a marriage/relationship so wonderful have been coming from your feminine self. The panties are just an outward expression of these gifts you bring to the relationship. If she wants more information on cross dressing, there are some very good sites on the internet tailored to the spouse of a cross dresser. As with all things, there are also some bad ones. There are also some sites that can be helpful to you in preparing for The Talk.
Importantly, once you have revealed your feminine self, go slow with what you wear. Start conservatively, as you want her to accept you, not be shocked by you. At least initially, avoid the more edgy lingerie. You need to give her time to accept this new you – at least new to her. Xdress has some conservative, but very attractive panties, such as the Satin High Waist Tricot Panty. Also, you might look at the Invisible Pleasure Brief and the Glistening Satin & Lace panty. The Glistening Satin & Lace Panty also has a matching camisole that is very attractive.
Lastly, be sure to show her what fun it can be being married to a cross dresser – the shopping, the chick flicks, the girlfriend nights doing each other’s nails. Help her understand that she isn’t losing her man – she’s gaining a girlfriend!
Angie, Guest Blogger
22 comments
Scott, thank you so much for your reply. You are doing exactly what I would suggest anyone discovering their emerging feminine side would do. As I said in my blog, take it slow. You have to let your wife catch up with you, and never run ahead of her, as this may be threatening to her. Like you, my wife and I have found the joy of the lingerie counter and visits together to the nail salon. In fact, we had pedicures yesterday. Oh, btw, my nail tech told me yesterday that you shouldn’t wear toenail polish during the winter, as it invites nail fungus. Only wear toenail polish in the warm months. Didn’t know that, did you? Neither did I. Anyway, I appreciate your thoughtful reply and encouragement of others who have discovered this wonderful side of themselves that allows us such freedom. My best wishes for you as you journey on in this exciting life still to be discovered.
Angie
I want to say that my wife try to get it but could not. So I had to cross dress in secret she found my hiding spot and dispose of my lingerie I just got back in bying again I will love for her to understand.
Michelle, good on you! I’m so happy for you that it worked out the way it did. Have you had that first shopping trip yet? It is such fun to go shopping as girlfriends and pick out lingerie for each other. Don’t forget to take her to Xdress and Body Aware and go shopping electronically!
Angie
I’d been a fetishist for crossdressing/TG throughout my mature life from teenage years on. I married rather young because I’m not great with the ladies and I knew her well after four years. We’d been through kids and moves together. We both have been overweight for a number of years, and I finally decided to try to take care of myself. She noticed after four months and sixty pounds that I was getting markedly smaller and held out a pair of her capri pants and asked me to try them on. Not only did they fit, I was secretly excited. I didn’t press at the time though… a couple of weeks later, we were making love and she had on a pair of her nylon/spandex panties on. I took them off of her, and then said “These look like my size too, I should totally try them on.” She laughed at seeing the result, but then we continued to make love and I “forgot” to take them off.
We had a frank talk after this about how much fun it was in the bedroom. After a time she admitted that she likes seeing me in them and it now turns her on that we have matching panties for the bedroom. While I would still like to go farther with certain articles of clothing (bra and stockings, she’s still not enamored with the look of a bra on a man and is sensitive about her own legs), at the very least I am a 98% panty-wearing man whose wife likes him wearing panties. We have even gone to the nail salon for pedicures, my toenails are delightfully painted. While my children don’t know about the bedroom, my teenage daughter complimented me on my painted toenails.
My experience is twofold. I am exceptionally lucky that my wife has not only accepted my panty-wearing but has encouraged it. However, I have not pressed the accelerator on her to overwhelm her with what I want. Becoming a panty man has taken about three to six months of discussion, lovemaking, and her becoming accustomed to me wearing panties (and nothing else) to bed. Talking frankly about your sex life is so helpful! I have outlined many reasons that I like panties and she has told me that she loves how unafraid I am to own my enjoyment of wearing panties. Being honest has helped our relationship immensely and we now have new date spots (the lingerie counter, the nail salon) that we didn’t necessarily have through the first fifteen years. Now that we have this fetish to share and know that we’re both adventurous, hopefully additional fetishes will come around. Thankfully our current compromises are a good first step. I’ve been able to reconcile within myself that if wearing panties is the only step I get to take it’s still not only worthwhile but I may giving up quite a bit in order to push for every last aspect of what I want.
Good luck to all of you guys who are reading this! People can change, or discover things about themselves that they didn’t know existed. It’s hard to hide yourself and what you want but I’m rooting for you to find the relationships that work for you and allow you to be who you are and to be able to share these aspects with someone who gets as turned on as you do.
Well, the way it happened with us is that we didn’t actually have ‘the talk’. Part of me wanted to say something, but at same time I didn’t want something that could be weird between us.
Instead we were making out and I kind half put on her bra as we were doing it. Then she closed it on me (eureka). After we’d finished I just took it off and threw it on the floor. We didn’t talk about it afterwards.
Then the next time I did the same, she closed it, and got me some panties from her drawer. After a few times doing this she actually gave me a full makeover and asked me about it. I told her I’d been doing it off and on forever but assured her that for me it was just something sensual.
I was actually hoping it would happen this way. So am really glad it worked out. I kind of felt she wouldn’t have an issue, but could never be sure.