- Don’t “accidentally” leave a picture on your phone or computer for her to discover.
- Don’t surprise her by being fully dressed in skirt and blouse.
- Don’t ambush her by taking her to a counselor where you reveal your feminine self.
Your attitude should be one of care and respect. This is going to affect her life as well as yours. The first things you may need to assure her of are that you do not want to switch sexual preferences and that you are still her husband/partner and intend to remain genetically male. These are the most common fears women have when becoming aware of their man’s feminine side. In other words, they are afraid of losing their man. Hopefully you know your wife well enough to have some sense of how she will react. Some women would rather leave the relationship than see her man in a pair of panties. If this is your sense of who she is, you might want to speak to a qualified therapist first. There are those women who will never accept your cross dressing, period. Other women approach it with interest and curiosity. Hopefully your lady is one of these.
Before having “The Talk” be sure you are clear with yourself on what cross dressing means to you. Why do you do it? She’s going to ask, so be prepared. Don’t be defensive – you are simply sharing a part of yourself that she didn’t know existed. Actually, she probably sort of did, but didn’t know where it was coming from – your sensitivity, caring, nurturing. All these things that can make a marriage/relationship so wonderful have been coming from your feminine self. The panties are just an outward expression of these gifts you bring to the relationship. If she wants more information on cross dressing, there are some very good sites on the internet tailored to the spouse of a cross dresser. As with all things, there are also some bad ones. There are also some sites that can be helpful to you in preparing for The Talk.
Importantly, once you have revealed your feminine self, go slow with what you wear. Start conservatively, as you want her to accept you, not be shocked by you. At least initially, avoid the more edgy lingerie. You need to give her time to accept this new you – at least new to her. Xdress has some conservative, but very attractive panties, such as the Satin High Waist Tricot Panty. Also, you might look at the Invisible Pleasure Brief and the Glistening Satin & Lace panty. The Glistening Satin & Lace Panty also has a matching camisole that is very attractive.
Lastly, be sure to show her what fun it can be being married to a cross dresser – the shopping, the chick flicks, the girlfriend nights doing each other’s nails. Help her understand that she isn’t losing her man – she’s gaining a girlfriend!
Angie, Guest Blogger
22 comments
I love to wear all womens clothing and i can even walk in high heels for an extended amount of time and i just need to figure out what to use for a breast form
I wish I was doing better. We’ve been together 16 years but married 6. In the beginning I learned he was bi. I few years in he started getting interested in crossdressing. I was ok as each thing came in to play I adjusted. Then it became a constant need and I got left behind. Over time I grew bitter learning he was posting himself online and talking to men and lying to me. I failed to mention as our relationship grew I made I feelings known that I wouldn’t be ok with him being with anyone else. I want to only have a one on one relationship. Time passed us going back and forth him saying he was ok with it but lying the whole time. We have always had an adventurous bedroom life, not to say to much. He’s purged many times. Starting over many times. This last time ( were in now ) he’s been honest about starting up again but I find it hard and hurtful this time as I fear he will go back down the other road. I want to trust and enjoy him and I want both sides of him.
Hi Angie. Getting the wife on board does make for a happier life if you have a strong feminine side. I do. When I got married I sort of stopped wearing panties. I did however wear mens nylon undies which were expensive and certainly not very fem. My wife saw that I preferred nylon and one day we were in a VF Outlet store. She picked up a pair of white VF panties that were around 2 or 3 dollars. She said these are less expensive than what you are buying. OMG I was wearing panties again. I will say six months, maybe more or less, and I had a dozen or more VF panties in all colors. The genie was out. Soon I had more panties than she did and many had lace and most were now pink. My fem side was emerging quickly. Then one day without any request she gave me a VF nightie. Turns out she had bought the wrong size for herself and I became the lucky recipient. The fem side of me was taking over and she was knowingly or unwittingly helping. I don’t recall the order of events but I shaved under my arms and then my legs. It was awkward at first with no hair under my arms at pools etc. But, I got used to it. My smooth legs were wonderful. I remember how silky looking they looked the first time I went out in shorts and I could feel the breeze. I thought everyone was looking and I didn’t care. Over the years I added more things. I looked for womens shorts that could be worn as unisex. Most of my shorts today are womens. I found womens jerseys that were unisex enough to wear out. The jerseys were not as easy to get away with as the sleeves are shorter and the jersey is shorter. I am a small male so it all worked and as I became more comfortable I have to admit the more feminine they became. My wife liked me in pastels so yellows, lavenders, light green and even pink. I love pink. I never told my wife these items were female but for the most part she figured it out. She said one day these shorts are womens. And some labels gave them away in the jerseys. I wanted more colorful sneakers and she was the one that suggested womens. I wear a size 9 womens sneaker/shoe. I wanted the pinks and pastel colors and she was fine with it. Again not in the order of timing I added womens deodorants, body lotions, creams and perfume plus more. I love Body and Bath. A must add for those of us with a fem side is Burt’s Bees nude lipstick. I carry a purse most of the time and my wife was behind that addition. She was tired of carrying my stuff and suggested a male bag. We bought a couple and then I got my first female purse. I have a couple of small shoulder bags and a couple of clutches. Nothing with bling of course. My favorite is the bag with the makeup mirror. When we found that one she commented “how appropriate, it has a makeup mirror”. One more thing it has is a very pastel light blue lining. I still look around when I open the bag and the mirror and the light blue is showing. I also gave up the traditional mens wallet and carry a womens wallet. I have gone on way to long. I am sure there is more.
I think a woman is either on board or she isn’t and you will know quickly. In a crazy way I think my wife likes having a girlfriend and husband. She is in charge and wears the pants in this house. I wear the panties, LOL. We joke about it and she knows it to be true.
One or two examples of crossing the line. I love camisoles. I secretly owned a few. One day she caught me slipping into a cute lacey cami. She said no way. She was concerned that someone would either see the cami though my shirt or they would see the lingerie strap. That ended my cami wearing. Bras were a similar story. She says there is no way I can wear a bra without something showing. I love bras but now I only help her pick hers out.
Thank you Angie for the blog. Hope this helps others. As Angie says, go slow, be cautious and let your wife if willing lead the way.
Keri
Hi Dean,
I’m sorry to hear that your wife doesn’t seem to want to get onboard with you. She sounds like one of those gals that see men and women in a very binary manner – men are men and women are women, period. My best recommendation to you is to search the web for articles directed toward the wives of cross dressers that you might share with her. There are some very well worded articles out there. A couple of important points made in these articles is 1) cross dressing is not a disease and not something to be “cured” and 2) cross dressing is not something likely to just go away or get over – it is a part of who you are, and for most of us, a very important part. While I don’t know you and your wife, I suspect she may be worried about losing her man – a fear I can well understand. You might assure her that the vast majority of us are straight and in a committed relationship. We just understand ourselves to be a person that doesn’t march by the beat of conventional society’s drum beat. Our cross dressing is simply an outward expression of that part of ourselves that we embrace. Good luck to you, dear sister. My kindest wishes to you and your wife.
Angie
I have and still do dress in lingerie, wifes knows and says snarky things about it, like I want a man, quit wearing my clothes. I try to stay in bedroom with it but occasionally I venture out and let her see and its “that’s too girly” well that’s the fun in it. A friend gave her some things, she doesn’t wear but a couple things so I am wearing the others. I have bought things that no way I am telling or showing her, it’s a hard sell after 35yrs of marriage to get her to change but I will keep on dressing and playing in lingerie.