How do you react when a man expresses his fondness for you when dressed in feminine clothes? Do you reveal your true self to the other person? Do you just enjoy the moment or pursue further engagement with the individual? Looking at your photos you are very attractive so I can understand other men and women approaching you. It must be reassuring when you're approached by the same or opposite sex when you're wearing feminine clothes knowing they find you attractive. Keep up the blog. Michael xx
I used to think that a man complimenting me or hitting on me would be very affirming.
I used to think that a man complimenting me or hitting on me would be very affirming.
But it's not. In my experience, a guy hitting on me or striking up a conversation will make it clear what he wants after only a minute or so. Because of this, when a guy slides into my DMs or walks up to me I brace myself because I know what they are likely going to ask me or tell me. At least they cut to the chase?
So no, I don't enjoy it at all. I don't pursue or entertain the idea or invitation. I'm very married and even if I wasn't, I have no interest in men.
Besides, there is little attempt from men when it comes to getting to know me. It's usually a pretty standard compliment or a question about how my day is going, and then BAM! A sharp turn into "let's have sex" territory.
Since so many conversations with men revolve around sex, it's really hard to believe that these conversations are sincere. I think most of them are just looking to hook up with ANYONE that is remotely cute.
How do I react? If the first thing they say is a compliment I will thank them. If someone asks how I am, I will tell them I am very well. In some instances there is a LITTLE more back and forth, (such as asking if I am having a good day or asking what I am doing), but it never takes long for most men to drop the charade and they jump right into telling me what they want to do with me and to me. It gets exhausting, if I am being honest.
Do I reveal my true self? I assume that most people that I encounter will likely know that I am transgender, so I assume that they are knowingly chatting with me knowing that. Conversations with most men never get to the point where the gender I was assigned at birth becomes relevant. I have a transgender pride flag in my Twitter bio which is something a guy sees before they message me. Again, my assumption is that when a dude messages me, he knows that I am transgender.
And for some guys that is part of the reason they are reaching out. Many guys fetishize trans women, and many guys fantasize about being with someone who may have the same genitalia as they do. For some guys, flirting with a transgender woman is a "less gay" way of experimenting with someone who also has a penis (not that all trans women have a penis, mind you).
In summary, many men will shoot their shot with almost every girl, so getting a compliment from them isn't as affirming as I thought it would be.
What really puts me on cloud nine is when another girl compliments me on my stilettos, my makeup, or my outfit. Rocking an outfit isn't always easy, makeup can be tricky, and walking in stilettos is an artform, and those who have experienced these things can relate. Getting a compliment on these things is an appreciation and an admiration. These comments mean more to me than any guy telling me that I look hot.
Love, Hannah
The views and opinions expressed are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of XDress
2 comments
I have received few compliments from men that have been genuine complimentary comments, so I acknowledge the situation completely. What shocked me was how openly nasty some were when ignored. Well done Hannah for a thoughtful and well composed piece. Faye x
Hannah, I hear your experiences, and know that they are all to common, but there some of us out there where it is just a compliment. I hope that you encounter more of those! Maybe I am the male ‘unicorn’ out there, I certainly hope not though! Maybe it is because I wish I had the self confidence to be able to wear more fem clothes on the outside as you do, and not just underneath ‘normal’ male clothes. I respect you because you can, and because you are a human being. There is NO reason for anyone to treat you like you have been treated. I believe that some, if not most of the behavior you have described, are being experienced by straight people also. For some, it is all just about the next hook up/conquest rather than a ‘normal’ encounter/relationship.