None of us decided to be who we are. We are who we are and we are perfect the way we are. This part of us is exactly that...its a part of us. We will not outgrow this. This is not something we can, or should stop. Love this part of you, because it is part of you.
For most of us, we discovered this part of us at a very early age. And if you're reading this, its because you have accepted and have embraced this part of you. I'm proud of you.
I don't think many of us were shopping at the mall recently and thought "you know, instead of boxers, I think I'll try those cute, lacy panties instead". I am also unsure if there were any of us who decided when shopping for shoes for a job interview that rather those boring wingtip dress shoes, we'd wear five inch stiletto heels instead.
The point is that we don't just wake up and decide to start wearing dresses instead of jeans as adults. Our dressing begins, for most of us, begins at a young age. I've written before that the first memory of my dressing was trying on my mother's heels (link to the previous blog 'Giving Yourself Permission to be Fabulous'). My dressing started then, and it continued all throughout my life. I knew it wasn't something that boys were allowed to do, I knew it wasn't something boys were supposed to do, but those social and gender expectations never made me stop. I didn't WANT to stop. I knew I couldn't. I knew then that this wasn't a phase...it was who I was and today it's who I am.
In school I watched enviously as the girls played dress-up wearing beautiful clothes that looked a little like the Little Miss Muffet Tea Dress and school uniforms. I so wanted to wear what the girls wore. Thanks to Xdress' Back to School Uniform, I can make that dream a reality.
Whenever I meet another girl like me, it''s not uncommon for us to have a conversation about how....all this started. We were often fascinated and jealous of the pink dresses that our sisters wore. We were mesmerized by bras and wondered what it would be like to wear one. We all remember the first time we felt this pull, we all remember the first time we wanted to wear a dress and the first time we made that dream come true. We all knew that not every boy felt this way and that it should be a secret. Some of us were caught by our parents or siblings. Some of us told our family what we wanted to wear.
Coming out to others is never easy. We are putting ourselves in a very vulnerable position where we are revealing what is probably the most intimate and secretive...and beautiful part of us. For some of us, coming out is not a choice, such as when someone "catches" us, such as when we are young. I've come out to a few people in my life with varying results. I can't say that I was ever correct at guessing how they would react.
So, when did you first start wanting to wear lingerie? What were your first memories of wanting to wear princess dresses, or high heels or makeup? What were your experiences growing up and coming out to other people?
The presence of an older sister and my older brother’s wife in our household, not to mention my mother, meant that lingerie was a frequent sight around the house. My first experiences were obviously visual and sometimes I would accidentally get a peek of my sister in law getting dressed. The sight of a young, shapely woman in lingerie was overpowering and led me to wanting to see if wearing such lingerie would have the same effect. It did! Starting with handling lingerie in the laundry , I graduated to trying it on…preferably before the lingerie was washed. I have had a life long love affair with lingerie since and still find the sight and touch of both of us (My partner and I) wearing lingerie when lovemaking to be beyond words. I have never felt “girly” but equally my desire to wear lingerie has never diminished.
Throwaway name as my name’s uncommon, but I am a genetic girl and I can relate to these experiences even though I’m not a cross dresser. Learning social rules was never easy for me due to my disability, and I’ve often been confused about what social norms I “should” follow and what I really wanted to do, throughout my whole life. I feel really honored that someone close to me was able to share this cross dressing side to them, but also sad that they felt what I have for most of my life. Hopefully, one day we’ll have the strength to be ourselves. Thank you for this post, it’s very eye opening and also very true.
Hi Hanah – I’m not sure. I think it was all perfectly innocent and not a regular thing. I don’t think she saw much of a difference between boys and girls at that age. It was probably as much to do with the laundry cycle as much as anything else!
Hi Ally! I am always surprised (and jealous!) when I hear of mothers dressing their sons in skirts and dresses. Do you remember why she did it?
Hi Hannah – thank you so much for your sensitive blog. I think my earliest experience of cross-dressing was being dressed in a skirt by my mother when I was less than five years old. I still remember how comfortable and free it felt. I later started dressing in my sister’s clothes and make up when in my early teens, venturing outside for a walk in town at night if they were away. It just felt so good to be girly and playing with different clothes and looks.