Beyond Getting the Wife Onboard – Coming Out to Others

Greetings dear readers. Some time ago I posted a blog entitled, “Getting the Wife Onboard.” You can read it here. Today, I’d like to take that topic a bit further – coming out to other people. The same principles apply here as those I shared in “Getting the Wife Onboard,” but there is more to consider.

First, if you want to come out as a cross dresser to someone else, examine your motivation. That person probably has no need to have knowledge of your cross dressing. Could it be harmful to them or to your relationship with them? Is it worth the risk? So rule #1 is to always hold the best interest of your friend as paramount in your decision regarding coming out to them. Your coming out is not for their benefit – it is for yours. Be sure you understand your motivation and the possible consequences.

The second rule, if I may be so bold, is “know your territory.” You can get a feel for where the other person is coming from by casual conversation. The topic of cross dressing celebs comes up in conversation. This is an opportunity to get a feel for your friend’s feelings about the topic. Another, and usually safe, way to broach the topic is to mention kilts. Kilts have a long history with a very masculine connotation. Being Irish, it is easy for me to mention the clan tartan and my interest in shelling out the money for a kilt. I’ve never had a negative reaction to that, simply because the Irish heritage is one that commands respect. It is easy to graduate the topic to “I wonder what would happen if men started wearing skirts?”

Let me give you an example of knowing the territory before you come out. We had our house painted this past summer and the painter, a female, told me it would take at least one month. She presents in a very butch manner, even when not working. She has a decal on her truck that has a dark blue background with two horizontal gold bars in the middle. I know what it means, but played dumb and asked her what it means. She explained that it signifies alliance with the LGBTQ community. She’s a very open person and told me she is lesbian and gender fluid. Ah, the perfect opportunity. I told her that I, too, am gender fluid and, given that she would be at our house for at least a month, I would appreciate being able to dress as I desire if it wouldn’t offend her. She was fine with that, as I pretty well knew she would be. Her first day on the job, I greeted her in a skirt and blouse. She complemented me on my choice of color and style. Later in the day she told me my name (male name) just didn’t feel right and asked me if I had a femme name. From that day on, if I was wearing anything feminine, she addressed me as Angie. We now have a very warm relationship. Here is an example of knowing your territory before you reveal your whole self.

I’ve also come out to my esthetician (the person who waxes your body). I go in for a semi-annual waxing and love the results. How did I come out to her? She’s also a beautician. My wife went in for a facial and asked her how she would feel about doing a waxing for a cross dresser. She was fine with it. Problem solved. Every time I go in, I’m wearing panties and my toenails are polished with frost pink (my absolute favorite). I’ve come to know her as a dear sweet person.

The third rule is don’t believe everything you read on the internet. There is some really bad advice out there on how to come out.  Let me give you an example of what not to do. A number of years ago I was having coffee with a female friend. She told me about something that had happened the week before. She had a number of friends that liked to go out to eat together and generally just hang out. One of those friends was a large, biker sort of guy. He invited her out for coffee one evening and picked her up. After coffee, when he took her home and parked the car, he told her he wanted to tell her something. He said it would be easier to show her. With that, he pulled down his pants and was wearing a frilly pair of panties. She told me she wanted to laugh, but didn’t want to hurt his feelings. That is NOT the way to come out. From time to time, some celeb comes out and I’m pretty sure they are playing to the shock value. That type of behavior isn’t earning us any points with the general public, and paints us all with a broad paintbrush and makes us all look like a bunch of fruit loops; an image that persists today because of such behavior.

Do you have any experiences, good or bad you would like to share? I think we can all learn from each other. We all want to be accepted for our whole selves, and I do believe that is an attainable goal with select people if we use a bit of common sense. So get that keyboard going – I’d love to hear your stories!

Fond regards,

Angie