Greetings everyone! Today I hope to inspire you, as I'm sure many of you are frustrated by the negative stereotyping and stigmatizing that we all face in our daily lives by presenting ourselves in a feminine manner.
To start, a lot of the stigmas that we face have been brought on throughout decades of people like us hiding in the shadows. In doing so, the rest of society has become very ignorant as to who we are, why we do what we do, and what it means to us. We all have gotten one of the two assumptions: we're gay, or we want to be women. For some that may be true, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. However, the vast majority of us are straight, cis-gendered men.
In recent weeks, I have openly dressed in front of several individuals that had no idea about this side of me. Namely, it was my two sisters, one of their boyfriends, and stepdad. Out of these four, only one seemed to have a problem with it, which was my younger sister. She wasn't able to understand that I was not gay, and called it a "phase". These comments were made behind my back, so I wasn't able to respond accordingly. Luckily, my other sister explained to her that I have been in a relationship with a beautiful woman for over five years.
This example is just one of the many experiences that come along with being openly feminine. However, none of these situations deter me from being myself. While the opinions of immediate family or friends can hurt sometimes, it is important to understand that we live our lives for ourselves, and not according to anyone else's comforts. True friends and family will not judge you on this alone, and will still love and accept you regardless.
I have read many of your comments throughout various blogs, and it always saddens me when I read about those who do not have the confidence to wear the clothes they love openly, due to their fears of what others may think. I deeply empathize with this, as I was once in the same unfortunate position.
However, I have noticed many of you still underdress daily, as well as wear light makeup and perhaps a unisex top or bottom that goes unnoticed. Some of you also have wonderful partners in your life that encourage you to be your fullest self. So what is holding you back? Perhaps it's your occupation, status, or just your inhibitions. We must understand that the only way to break stigmas, is to popularize a taboo action. Women did the same when they threw out their restrictive girdles and bras, so it's time for us men to step up.
I was out at the store the other day, one which I always frequent. A familiar cashier said to me: "You know, it takes a lot of confidence to do what you do. It takes balls". Now, this is perhaps the most validating comment I have ever received, as many of us fear that our dressing makes us less of a man. I argue the complete opposite. How many men out there have the confidence to cross that line and wear a dress, in order to achieve their fullest happiness?
To those of you who just underdress, take that next step up! You don't have to go all in. Start slow. Begin with unisexual styles, perhaps adding in one clearly feminine item. Work your way up and eventually, you'll have the confidence to wear heels, full makeup, and whatever else you want openly! If you have a supportive partner, rely on them to support you. Vent your stresses at the end of the day to them, there is nothing more relieving than having someone there for you. If you don't have a partner, confide in a close friend or family member who accepts you.
Both XD and BA fully support us being ourselves. They exist because we exist. You may wonder why their product line mainly consists of underdressing items, and that's because the majority of us only underdress! Do you want more skirts, dresses, leggings or heels available to us? Buy them and wear them openly! XD / BA offers a decent amount of these, and they are most comfortable for us men! The more of us that look society in the eye and be confident with ourselves, the less of a stigma it becomes. Just look at women who wear tuxedos! No one bats an eye. It's time for a man in a dress to receive the same treatment.
So get out there and wear that dress you've been dying to wear in public! How many of you have taken these steps so far? How many of you want to? What is stopping you? I would love to help you all muster the courage and become truly blissful.
-Nathan
To start, a lot of the stigmas that we face have been brought on throughout decades of people like us hiding in the shadows. In doing so, the rest of society has become very ignorant as to who we are, why we do what we do, and what it means to us. We all have gotten one of the two assumptions: we're gay, or we want to be women. For some that may be true, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. However, the vast majority of us are straight, cis-gendered men.
In recent weeks, I have openly dressed in front of several individuals that had no idea about this side of me. Namely, it was my two sisters, one of their boyfriends, and stepdad. Out of these four, only one seemed to have a problem with it, which was my younger sister. She wasn't able to understand that I was not gay, and called it a "phase". These comments were made behind my back, so I wasn't able to respond accordingly. Luckily, my other sister explained to her that I have been in a relationship with a beautiful woman for over five years.
This example is just one of the many experiences that come along with being openly feminine. However, none of these situations deter me from being myself. While the opinions of immediate family or friends can hurt sometimes, it is important to understand that we live our lives for ourselves, and not according to anyone else's comforts. True friends and family will not judge you on this alone, and will still love and accept you regardless.
I have read many of your comments throughout various blogs, and it always saddens me when I read about those who do not have the confidence to wear the clothes they love openly, due to their fears of what others may think. I deeply empathize with this, as I was once in the same unfortunate position.
However, I have noticed many of you still underdress daily, as well as wear light makeup and perhaps a unisex top or bottom that goes unnoticed. Some of you also have wonderful partners in your life that encourage you to be your fullest self. So what is holding you back? Perhaps it's your occupation, status, or just your inhibitions. We must understand that the only way to break stigmas, is to popularize a taboo action. Women did the same when they threw out their restrictive girdles and bras, so it's time for us men to step up.
I was out at the store the other day, one which I always frequent. A familiar cashier said to me: "You know, it takes a lot of confidence to do what you do. It takes balls". Now, this is perhaps the most validating comment I have ever received, as many of us fear that our dressing makes us less of a man. I argue the complete opposite. How many men out there have the confidence to cross that line and wear a dress, in order to achieve their fullest happiness?
To those of you who just underdress, take that next step up! You don't have to go all in. Start slow. Begin with unisexual styles, perhaps adding in one clearly feminine item. Work your way up and eventually, you'll have the confidence to wear heels, full makeup, and whatever else you want openly! If you have a supportive partner, rely on them to support you. Vent your stresses at the end of the day to them, there is nothing more relieving than having someone there for you. If you don't have a partner, confide in a close friend or family member who accepts you.
Both XD and BA fully support us being ourselves. They exist because we exist. You may wonder why their product line mainly consists of underdressing items, and that's because the majority of us only underdress! Do you want more skirts, dresses, leggings or heels available to us? Buy them and wear them openly! XD / BA offers a decent amount of these, and they are most comfortable for us men! The more of us that look society in the eye and be confident with ourselves, the less of a stigma it becomes. Just look at women who wear tuxedos! No one bats an eye. It's time for a man in a dress to receive the same treatment.
So get out there and wear that dress you've been dying to wear in public! How many of you have taken these steps so far? How many of you want to? What is stopping you? I would love to help you all muster the courage and become truly blissful.
-Nathan
20 comments
Lovely to see that this discussion can take place. I’m sure we’ll see more guys expressing their feminine side in public. I already notice more young men are open with their femininity. Some look drop dead gorgeous and others look cleverly creative.
My look is a more muted femininity when out and about and a bit more mature lady when in known to be safe places. It’s great to know that more places for more open expression of who we are, are becoming more common and more normalised.
Everyone on here making supportive noises is helping that to happen. There has been too much bigotry and oppression in the past.
To take a line from Stevie, wear something pretty, we are!
Ally x
Thank you Nathan for acknowledging that we all dont have to go outside the home dressed en femme of femininely to be accepted. Sometimes in the lbgtqa community some will say that you have to do what they r doing or you are not supporting the community
We all have different circumstances and I love that all are accepted here no matter what there level if comfort is!
Wear something pretty today I am
Purple and black lace panties and matching bra
Girls bootleg jeans with a male flannel shirt
Toes done in sallie hansens light pink
Stevie
Hello everyone! You all have made some great comments, and I love the conversation going on here.
It seems like a lot of you are still in the comfort zone of underdressing, taking small steps towards dressing in public. I wish you all the very best in this difficult journey, as the reward of being true to yourself is a bliss we should all get to experience.
For those of you who stick to under dressing for whatever reason, there is nothing wrong with that either. As someone who dresses all the time, I can definitely say there are days I wish I wasn’t dressed, as people’s deragatory glares can really get under my skin and cause me to feel unnecessarily uncomfortable.
Lastly to respond to Lucas, my daily wear usually consists of either a skater style dress or skirt with an elegant blouse (velvet, satin, or lace), or leggings with a beautiful long top that covers my bulge. When it comes to the weekends, it just depends on the mood! Sometimes I just put on a lingerie set, other times I get fully dressed up in a mini skirt, or sometimes I just put on a pair of loose pants and a satin shirt just to relax!
I hope you all keep this conversation going as it is so lovely to share our experiences together!
-Nathan
This is a great article, a real life example of how it is possible to express yourself, and I think Xdress has been influential in making feminine attire more acceptable for guys. I just love that I can wear really pretty panties and camisoles, I wouldn’t be brave enough to wear outside, although a maid’s dress with lots of petticoats would be fun just to wear around the house. I started a few years ago buying panties surreptitiously from department stores usually under cover of Christmas or valentines day, hoping the other shoppers would just assume that they were for my girlfriend (who of course would have to be same size as me!). Always embarrassing, I never got used to it. But then I discovered Xdress and love that they make the panties and other lingerie to actual fit men. As I am on a limited budget I cannot buy as much as I would like, but I appreciate that they make specially for our market which is probably quite small, but hopefully growing all the time. I wish more men would try wearing feminine styles of at least underwear, it is so much nicer than men’s, and once they try it, I cant imagine they would want to go back to boxers.
Nathan, you are obviously braver than me in that you are prepared to go out in public, but what would you wear at home? Would you go more for the ultra feminine like a sexy costumes or a little black dress or micro skirt, or would you still wear more conventional women’s outerwear in the privacy of your home?
Thinking about this some more
It would be great if a men in heels in men in dresses day were available for xdressers to “come out” . But that’s wishful thinking.
Our employer is lgbtqa friendly and actually has a monthly night out ar a restaurant where u can go to socialize.
I’ve thought about going but people say they are discreet but it only takes one person to out you…
So I keep it in the closet as far as the heels go, but boy do i wish i could do it
Stevie
Wear something pretty today, I am…