Greetings dear readers. I hope this blog finds you well and healthy. I don’t know about you, but this whole virus thing is wearing me down. Anxieties are running high as we are confronted with living in a real-time science fiction movie right now. So, let’s take a break from all this and have some fun.
Today, I’d like to talk with you about a few do’s and don’ts in the world of crossdressing. I’m going to throw a few out just to get the conversation going. I’d love for you to share any do’s and don’ts that occur to you.
First, DO own who you are. What I mean is, a lot of us have struggled with acknowledging to ourselves that our sense of who we are is broader than the conventional definition of male and female. Just because you like to wear pretty things and let the inner femme come out doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. DON’T pathologize yourself. Just because you like to wear lingerie, skirts, and blouses does not mean that you are some kind of pervert or that the neighbors should keep their children locked in the house. Celebrate your inner femme! Be who you are!
Next, DO dress your age and body-build appropriate. If you are a middle-aged man who weighs 240 pounds, DON’T dress like a twenty-something lady of the night. The exception to this DON’T is cosplay. If you have fun role-playing, knock yourself out and have fun! XDress has some great cosplay outfits. What I’m talking about is everyday wear. If you can pass in public, this DO is especially important. I couldn’t begin to pass, but I still adhere to this rule.
Next, DO listen to your spouse or SO. DON’T outrun your spouse/SO, regarding her/his comfort level with how far you go with your cross dressing. Sometimes we have to take baby steps to stay in that special someone’s comfort zone. Listen, and be respectful.
Next, with regard to makeup, remember the adage – less is more. DO apply makeup tastefully. For an in-depth treatment on this topic, you can read my blog on makeup here. DON’T put on heavy makeup that makes you look like a circus clown – that is unless you are a circus clown. To get some great pointers, you can visit a beautician for a makeover. It’s not considered all that unusual anymore for men to get makeovers.
Regarding jewelry, the same rule applies as with makeup – less is more. DO wear tasteful rings, bracelets, necklaces, and earrings. DON’T look like Mr. T! I wear earrings and bracelets regularly – including out in public. It is fortunate that our society is becoming more accepting of men who wear both makeup and jewelry. Just don’t overdo it. Also, the quality of your jewelry is important. Junk jewelry looks exactly like that – junk.
One last DO for you: when you are dressed as a gurl, move like a gurl. DON’T walk like a football player. I’ve seen crossdressers that didn’t follow this rule, and they looked ridiculous. The difference in body motion between men and women is absolutely fascinating. When I first started studying this topic, I was amazed at the subtle differences. How we walk, hold our arms and hands, posture our bodies, the length of our stride, movement of hips – all of this differs from men and women.
Even how we look at our fingernails is different. Ask a man to look at his fingernails, and he will lift his hands and curl his fingers down, with the nails pointing downward. As a lady to look at her fingernails, and she will lift her hands and extend her fingers straight up. I’ve tested this difference with several men and women, and every single one of them showed this difference. I have two recommendations for you to become better educated on this fascinating topic.
First, there are some excellent sites on the internet that have excellent information. Secondly, after you have become more informed from your research, start observing women – well, in a socially appropriate manner, that is. Once you know what you are looking for, you will spot the differences more easily. It’s especially helpful if you have a spouse/girlfriend who is accepting of your crossdressing. She can be both a role model and coach.
Okay, so much for my thoughts on the do’s and don’ts of being a gurl. Your turn. Let’s have some fun with this one. Share with all of us the do’s and don’ts that occur to you. If you don’t have one, chime in anyway. If you are like me, you have plenty of time on your hands right now, what with the stay at home order many of us are now under. Speaking of which, this is a direct order from you Aunt Angie – wash your hands frequently, avoid unnecessary travel/exposure, keep yourselves safe. I know, I know – you’ve heard all this about a bazillion times by now, but hey, I’m your self-appointed Aunt and I get to say stuff like that! Stay safe, stay pretty.
Finally a shout out to David and Kristina and the wonderful folks at XD/BA. Thanks for all the efforts you are taking to continue to supply us with our beloved lingerie while taking all precautions to keep us safe. You guys are the greatest!
Fondly,
Angie
26 comments
Thank you all for your great comments. I’m am continually impressed with the intelligence and maturity of the contributors to the blogs on XD.
Stevie, I’m with you – crowd the boundaries, just be cautious. Like you, I love foundation, as it smooths out the color of my skin. I too wear girly jeans – in fact they are the only jeans I wear. The fit and look are way above what men’s jeans can offer. Panties under the jeans? Of course! Like you, bras when I can (which is like every day right now). Being confined to home, I’m wearing a pretty frost pink on fingers and toes. Hey – if we have to stay at home, might as well have some girly fun!
Nathan, I can tell from your response that you get it. Yes, there are some guidelines that we should observe, in terms of appropriate dress. The trick is we didn’t grow up with all of this understanding that gg’s have had all of their lives. A lot of CD’s tend to overstate femininity in the early going, simply because of that lack of experience and knowing. You obviously understand the subtleties of proper dress. Thanks for you comment.
Ally x, you made three comments that I would like to understand. First, thank goodness you found the right therapist. There are supposed therapists out there that have no idea of what they are doing and don’t understand the transgender population at all. You found one that did. Good for you! Secondly, you made a very important comment when you said, “I began to care more about the balance I achieved between femininity and my own male physical characteristics. This has led me to comfort in my style rather than impersonation of stereotypical female style.” You so nail it when you refer to “impersonation of stereotypical female style”. That’s where we can get into trouble – trying to impersonate females, rather than fitting into the female part of who we are, and all the trappings (lingerie, clothes, makeup, and jewelry) that truly express who we are – not what we want to be. Lastly, you referred to deportment. Right on, dear sister. Deportment is so important. I will have more to say on that important topic in a future blog – stay tuned!
Fond regards,
Angie
Hi there Angie and everybody out there
I think one of the most important things in this blog is the assurance that you shouldn’t beat yourself up if you really crave a feminine look.
I spent some time doing that and looking for some ‘thing’ that would make me stop. Fortunately I came across a counsellor who offered me the idea that there was no reason to stop if that is what I enjoy. She offered the idea that there are people who enjoy dressing in a more flamboyant way and that brings colour and wdifference into the world.
Once I took on board those ideas I became more comfortable with dressing and began to view it as more of a creative exercise. Once I began to view it as a more creative exercise I began to care more about the balance I achieved between femininity and my own male physical characteristics. This has led me to comfort in my style rather than impersonation of stereotypical female style.
Right now I’m happy in lycra leggins and kitten heels around the house with some light touches of jewellery and make up. It’s also important to practice deportment whenever you can – even if you are in male mode. It then becomes habit rather than effort.
Love to you all and stay safe
Ally x
Angie, this a great blog. I think it was necessary for someone to lay out some guidelines like you did. To be more easily accepted as an xdresser, it is essential that we dress for our body types to make it look more natural, which applies to makeup as well.
I feel far more comfortable while out and about while dressed when I wear things that flatter my physique, as opposed to things that only look good on a female body. We all look in the mirror after we dress, and we always know when our outfit just doesn’t suit our bodies.
To all future commenters, don’t forget to check older blogs now and then! A lot of conversations are still happening, so don’t miss out!
Again, thanks for your blog Angie!
-Nathan
Luv the dos and don’t and agree with all of them.
I m not passable and don’t try but then again i don’t go out fully in femme. But I do wear what many consider a different type of wardrobe.
While I mainly wear traditional make garb, I do push the limits when I can.
Light makeup for me is foundation mascara concealer
I wear women s jeans and panties (if not wearing xdress panties) bras when i can. I polish and paint my toenails
I shave smooth naughty areas and chest
Women’s sweaters and t neck in the winter
I love my heels at home
I definitely accept i love pretty sexy femme styles and that’s MY STYLE
those are my DO S
Wear something pretty today I am
On it if only to yourself!
Stevie
Jaclyn, you are so welcome. I hope this blog and the responses will be helpful to you. You are far from alone, when it comes to having a spouse that isn’t all that accepting of your inner femme and desire to express her in your choice of dress. You might take a look at my blog, “Getting the Wife Onboard” for some possible ideas. You can read it at https://xdress.com/blogs/news/getting-the-wife-onboard
Best of luck to you!
Fond regards,
Angie