In order to get the context of this article, it would be helpful to you to read the first installment. You can read it here. Go ahead and read it - I’ll wait. (Crickets, crickets.) Okay, so off we go.
So you’ve had The Talk or some version of it with your wife and she knows you like to cross dress. As an aside, I’ll be using the term, “wife” in this article for the sake of brevity. You can substitute whatever word works for you. I don’t mean to exclude anyone from this discourse. So your wife knows you like the finer things of women’s clothing and is onboard with you. Where do you go from here? That is what this article is all about.
First, “onboard” covers a wide range of acceptance, from accepting your crossdressing only when she or you are away from home to full acceptance of daily crossdressing in full femme attire. Also, your sense of the level of crossdressing that fits you can cover a wide range as well, from the occasional pair of panties, to dressing every day in lingerie, skirts, and blouses. Recognizing the very broad and fascinating range that crossdressing can cover, let’s consider a few things.
First, and foremost, successful crossdressing is about honesty and relationship. That honesty and relationship is two-dimensional. The first dimension is relationship with yourself; what does crossdressing mean to you? Why do you do it? What motivates you to come to Xdress and read this blog, as well as look at the beautiful lingerie here? What drives you? Start with honesty with yourself.
The second dimension is your relationship with your wife. I can’t emphasize enough that being successful in your relationship with your wife is all about communication. This is true of any relationship, be it straight, gay, or Martian. As you become self-aware, you will be much better equipped to communicate with your wife, who has every right to know these things. Remember: what you have chosen affects her life as well. Kindness, respect and honesty are the three golden rules of communication with her (as they are in any civilized society).
As I mentioned in my first article, “Getting the Wife Onboard” (you did read it, didn’t you – Scouts honor?), most wives fear two things: 1) are you gay? and 2) do you want to be a woman? For the great majority of us, the answers, in order, are “no” and “no”. (Don’t get the order of the answers mixed up….sorry, just yanking your chain.) I think the best description I’ve heard of the difference between being gay and being transgender (meaning across genders) is that being gay has to do with who you want to go to bed with. Being transgender (crossdressing) has to do with who you want to go to bed as. I can tell you I go to bed as Angie every night, thanks to my wonderful wife, who has purchased most of my nightgowns. Be sure your wife understands the difference.
Okay, enough of the basics. Let’s assume your wife is onboard with your inner femme. Where do you go, further down the road?
I can tell you that my marriage has never been better than it is now, and I’ve been married to my wonderful wife for over two decades. Our marriage truly took off in a positive direction when I fully owned and she fully accepted my sense of my broader and feminine self. A number of things happened that I want to share with you that may help you in your journey into this fascinating world of the gender fluid.
First, I took on a slogan: “If I’m going to dress like a girl, I’m going to work like a girl.” That means I fully share in the housekeeping and cooking. I’ll tell you that I am a totally incompetent cook, but my wife is a great one. She assigned me the role of sous chef, meaning gofer and dish washer. Hey – I’m fine with that, as long as I’m in dressed en femme. She even hugs me once in a while and, shameless thing that she is, snaps my bra strap. What a hussy!
Secondly, enjoy shopping. Your wife has a new girlfriend. Go for it! You have the perfect partner (and cover) to find all kinds of girly clothing in the brick and mortar shops. My wife will see something and say, “Do you think your Aunt Angie would like this?” if a sales associate is in the vicinity. Otherwise it is “Oh Angie, look at this!” When your wife picks out blouses, skirts, panties, and bras for you? Pure gold! The other really fun thing is to go online and shop together. Xdress and Body Aware are great places to go. Their lingerie is exquisite. They also have his and hers lingerie, which is a total blast. When your wife is willing to have you underdress as she does, you are home free!
Don’t forget to go to the nail salon with your wife and have manicures and pedicures. While you are at it, purchase a gift certificate for her for some nail care and maybe a facial (lady’s love gift certificates in their Christmas stocking).
One thing I want to add. As you go further down the road in this wonderful exploration of who you really are, never, but never forget to celebrate your wife’s femininity. It is the core of who she is, and you should always make sure she knows that, while you love the lingerie of Xdress and Body aware, and the skirts and blouse in the brick and mortar stores, she has not lost the man that will cherish and protect her. As I said in the previous blog (you did read it, didn’t you?) make sure she knows she hasn’t lost her man – she’s gained a girlfriend. Now, get out there and have some fun!
Angie, XD Guest Blogger
It is a tough situation but even though it is scary, I recommend being honest with your SO from the start. If she isn’t into it, don’t spend too much time trying to convince. She will come around or you will move on but don’t let them change you. If you “promise” not to wear panties again, I promise you that the urge to wear them will resurface and it will be hard to resist! Hard to resist because your mind is wired to remember the awesome feeling of satin on your skin. Embrace it, be honest and stay true to yourself. Relationships are about being vulnerable and remember your SO is also vulnerable too.
Whatever the situation there must always be a sense of being true to yourself as well as your partner(s). The ultimate is to share your most innermost desires with the person who means most to you. My wife knew firstly that I loved lingerie because of the amount and type I bought her (My greatest claim to fame being that I converted her to thongs because they obviously turned me on and surprise, surprise her too). I then moved on to trying high street ladies’ thongs which my wife was at first scornful of. I found them unsexy and cautiously moved on to more feminine underwear. I may not have reached the peak (I can wear stockings etc with other partners) yet but at least the sight and feel of my wife and I in sexy, similar lingerie is proving a tremendous stimulant. Onwards and upwards…literally!