Instead of talking about fashion or shopping today, I would like to discuss a somewhat more intimidating topic; presenting en femme around others. This includes everyone from your doctor, an old friend and even your mother in-law.
When I first began presenting myself en femme, I had a lot of fear about who would see and judge me for it. I only ever dressed up at home when I wasn't planning on going out, and even then I was nervous to do this around my girlfriend. I had spent the first 20 years of my life living the way society had expected me to. This resulted in an excess amount of fear and anxiety of others, even if they happened to be polite. That is no way to live for anyone.
To begin building confidence, you must continue to step out of your comfort zone and dress feminine as many places as possible. I personally began with places that we all go, the grocery store and any other place I normally frequent when running errands. It's generally good advice to start slow, and wear something subtle such as a pair of jeans with a cute top and a pair of low heels or boots. An outfit that helps you blend in more can definitely ease any anxiety you may have about going out appearing as a woman.
For some, being subtle isn't very thrilling especially when you've been wanting to wear skirts and heels your whole life. So for me, I push the envelope and simply wear whatever it is I want, regardless of the stares I may receive. I essentially never wear anything but heels, pantyhose and a nice skirt/top or dress when going out. This has certainly given me my fair share of judgement, however one thing worth mentioning is I have never received any negative comments about my appearance.
That's the beauty of being yourself. Most of the time, others will not go out of their way to ridicule you especially when they are complete strangers. At the time of writing this, I have only ever received compliments for the way I present myself. This is a tremendous confidence booster for all the men that decide to be brave enough and present their feminine side. It was mentioned in the comments of my past blog that being feminine "is the new alpha" and I can agree. It takes a thousand times more courage to step outside wearing a dress as a man, then it does to slip on a pair of pants and t-shirt just to blend in.
Around certain people though, you have to apply some self control. Some people have very old doctors, which probably wouldn't be very comfortable seeing you in a pink lace thong (like the beautiful Turbo Lace Picot Thong) while on their examination table. Others like your mother in-law, may be uncomfortable seeing you in a sequin mini dress with glittery stilettos. It's people like this that you may have to appease in your fashion choices just so the environment isn't uncomfortable. That is something I have found to be completely tolerable, as you only have to repress your femininity temporarily while around these people.
Granted, you should never have to change who you are for anyone. But there has to be a line we as men know when not to cross, for the sake of others comfort. This applies to your significant other as well. Never try to compete with your woman, or try to be more feminine than her. Not only is this inherently impossible, but it can also be a catalyst for some of her resentment towards you because she will always be the woman in the relationship. To put it simply, change it up now and then. Wear something traditionally masculine once in a while to remind her you are still comfortable as a man.
And if you are gay or trans, these things probably won't apply to you. So at that point, make your best judgement simply depending on your own situation. I'm not here to tell anyone how to live, I merely wish to pass on advice based on my own experiences. In the end, presenting en femme is a beautiful and courageous act and I applaud and respect all the men brave enough to do it.
So, that will wrap up this blog for now! Tell me all about your experiences; how often do you go out en femme, who you may or may not dress up around and anyone that might have made you feel uncomfortable while you were dressed. It's time for us to get some support in the comments.
I’ve just discovered this website, and it’s such a treasure trove of products, and of thoughts, experiences which I can really relate to, as a crossdresser trying to come out. Like many I’ve been wearing lingerie under my “regular” male clothing since my teens, when it’s been practical. Recently I’ve had more opportunity to add outerwear-a short skirt/top, or a floral dress or my secret pride and joy, a pink PVC maid’s dress. But only at home when the coast is clear.
The seamstress who made my maid’s dress mentioned the Birmingham Bizarre Bazaar- www.thebbb.co.uk -as somewhere I ought to visit. So I did, and I would recommend it to anyone of you who is seeking a safe public place to dress. It’s a once a month event, on the 3rd Sunday of each month, and is an indoor market for fetish material and equipment, but the key-for us crossdressers-is that you can wear whatever you want, and you are among sympathetic and non judgemental people. I’ve been twice now-the first time with male outerwear and I was honestly quite scared. The second time I gritted my teeth, and changed into my maid’s dress with a blond wig and heels-after the initial 30 seconds of terror, it was just wonderful, so welcoming. No-one bothered me, I was one of quite a few, and gradually relaxed.
It’s a really good way to be the real you, openly, in friendly company.
I’m hoping to go again this weekend with my new lingerie from XD and maid’s dress again.
Hope that this is useful to some of you. Good luck!
Like many, I enjoyed wearing panties at a young age, I’m now 64. So about 5-6 years ago I came out of the bathroom one evening in my bra and panties from XDRESS to my wife. She was taken aback but we had sex while I was wearing them. I will say it made me very hard and the sex was great! HOWEVER, the more she thought about it, the more she didn’t care for me to wear panties and a bra (she never learned I’ve gone full en-femme, breasts, tight dress, high heals, wig, out in public). I’ve tried a couple times with just (lace) panties but but she became dead set against it, even threatening divorce. Soooo, trying once more I bought ruched bikinis, not lace, and having a pouch. She initially thought they were women’s panties again, but after I showed her the were made for men, I used the argument that men should be able to wear sexy panties too. Anything with lace won’t fly with her but I now have several pairs of these and she’s OK with them. Because the are very low rise bikinis, I now shave the pubes where the extended beyond my panties. She thinks that’s weird but hasn’t pushed back.
This website has changed my life and made me feel like I can be exactly who I want to be without shame or judgement. I never thought my wife or my bestfriend or anyone would be so accepting but they are and I would have never even tried if it weren’t for XD.
Another blog with a very interesting topic. Since I was very young I only wear panties, it all started with a friend and then a boyfriend! I grew up and lived in a very traditional family in a village where everyone knew us, it was difficult to fully assume my femininity.
I always wore panties, in the presence of my grandparents, parents, uncles, cousins and cousins, as well as friends. Later in the working world, I continued to wear panties every day of the week. Usually when I get home, I take off my clothes and assume the role of a woman in all its breadth, my boyfriend loves it! In public this year on vacation I started wearing a bikini on the beach and at the hotel. It wasn’t easy at all, but with the help of my boyfriend, I’m slowly venturing out! I love your blog and Xdress.
I have been wearing women’s nylon panties since being a youngster, 24/7. I do not have any men’s underwear at all. I have a yearly examination from my cosmetologist. Because I wear panties 24/7, I normally have her examine me from the waist up only, so I don’t have to remove my pants. Last year, I approved for a complete examination, seeing as how I was wearing light blue bikini panties(so I thought) and I felt they could be taken as men’s underwear. The Doctors assistant asked me to strip down to my underwear and put on one of them white hospital gowns and then left the room. I did so. As the Doctor was completing her examination, she had me lay back on the table and opened my robe to finish the examination. In front of her assistant, she bent over me and with her thumb & forefinger, she pinched the front of my panties (at the EXACT spot of the small bow was located) and lifted the panty away from my body as she looked at my completely shave groin area. I thought it was odd that she would do it in this way. Her assistant was looking at the entire examination. After she was finished, I got dressed and went out to make my next year’s appointment. When I got home, I realized that I had been wearing one of my favorite bikini panties….and they were not the blue ones. The panties I wore to my examination were a very pretty lavender color, they had a bow on the front-center of the panty and the waist and leg openings had a very pretty picot lace trim on them!!! Definitely women’s panties!!! Of course they were nylon. They were not the blue ones I thought I had put on in the morning. Some times I don’t pay close attention as to the panties I put on. As I left the Doctor’s office, I noticed that all three assistants were smiling and really paying attention as I left. When I arrived home, I now realize why. I am sure they were all talking about the panties I was wearing. So this year, I requested an “above” the waist examination only. I am sure they were looking forward to a new show. I was a little embarrassed by it all but now after reading some of the other comments here, I really am GLAD that I did wear the panties that I did!!!! I am now glad that the Dr & her assistant seen me wearing WOMEN’S nylon panties and I hope they did tell the other office workers!!!
I am 60+ and started enjoying dressing up at about 8-10 with my older sister. in my teen years i shifted to wanting to get into girls pants instead of wearing them. Late teen, i saw a pantsuit my girlfriend had bought a couple sizes too small for her with the intent she would lose weight and fit. It begged to be worn so it was just my size i discovered as i put it on. None of her shoes would fit me but as she came home i grabbed a purse and revealed my femme self in her outfit and purse slung over my shoulder. She was quite amused and insisted on a polaroid. We married and divorced a couple years later. However our daughter mentioned seeing the polaroid just a few years ago. With my current wife of 35+ years i wore her OP ladies running shorts. For our wedding night one of our gifts from a friend was a black teddy for her and some nylon sexy underwear for me. I tried on and wore some of her things and nearly got caught when i put a pair of her sexy white used underwear in the wash. She knew she had not worn them but never asked. Later i went through a time when i was wearing thongs quite frequently as i liked the feel. She was ok with this. I mostly dress when traveling abroad and in my hotel room. I have tried to get a fix on exactly where my wife is if i were to dress around her but have not as of yet gotten a clear indication. working this slowly because i don’t want to jeopardize us. Although for the past several years our love life is very strained and infrequent we are very close as friends. She complains of pain in intercourse. will see where this goes as our saga unfolds. For now i am discreetly fully dressed en femme in my hotel room reading and replying to this blog.
As a non-binary person the shift is a little bit different because I want to be perceived not as a man nor as a woman… but in a more feminine way for sure. Of course for safety reasons and anxiety control we need to be aware of the context we are in and our surroundings, having said that, sometimes it’s important to hold on a little bit and go through the transition in baby steps.
Kirsty First kudos to u for being so accepting! Second kudos to him for being upfront and honest Now just my 2 cents Please talk to him and tell him exactly what you told us He should respect ur boundaries He should respect that you want ur man too Hopefully he will be as understanding to u as u were to him He may go into the pink fog and forget that you married a male in male form Hopefully you two can negotiate when and how often he will present this way It so encouraging to the rest of us that maybe a similar experience can be had by us Stevie
I hope it’s ok for a woman to comment on here, as my husband recently presented himself en-femme to me. It was fairly unexpected but wasn’t an entirely big shock. Before we were married my husband experimented with different underwear choices, starting with risqué items from gay underwear stores before progressing to women’s panties. I enjoyed seeing him in these unconventional garment choices and felt that it enhanced our intimacy somewhat. Over time, and following our marriage, he bagan subtly hinting that he’d like to try other items of lingerie (actually his hints weren’t very subtle to my female intuition), and introduced other items, including stockings with garter belts, corsets and even high heeled shoes. I enjoyed seeing him dressed in his outfits, particularly in those moments of intimacy, and this became a regular part of our personal lives
Very recently my husband started shaving his legs and other parts of his body (chest, armpits, etc.), which I wasn’t so keen on. For me the excitement connected to his lingerie choices definitely incuded the juxtaposition of his masculine body dressed in feminine garments. A couple of weeks ago my husband messaged me and told me to expect a surprise when I got back from work. When I got home he was waiting dressed completely en-femme! I hardly recognised him. He was wearing a long, blonde wig and very skilfully applied makeup. He was dressed in a sleek, expensive looking evening dress and very high heels. It even appeared that he had shaped his eyebrows (I later found out that he had been to a salon for eyebrow shaping, false eyelashes and makeup application), and he had shaped his body with breast and hip padding. I was taken aback, he actually looked like a different person and very much as an attractive woman, and not a crossdressed man. I have to admit that a memorable evening ensued that we both enjoyed very much. I guess that I was able to satisfy some deep held lesbian desires of mine because his appearance was so convincing. We talked about the whole event afterwards and he said that this was something he had wanted to try for some time. He tells me that he’d like to incorporate this into our personal lives on an occasional basis in the future. However, as I look at my husband now, with his shaved body and eyebrows that have been clearly shaped (into quite a feminine look), I’m feeling somewhat unsure and uncomfortable about where this could all lead. I guess that I did enjoy seeing my husband en-femme, but I definitely want him to be my man, no matter how he’s dressed.
I’ve just stumbled on this blog and it has hit so many nerves and the comments are really reassuring.
Like many here I am basically straight and have enjoyed wearing feminine things since I was about 7, some 50 years ago. I have moved from closet dressing and full transvestism (including professional make overs) to blending male a female attire whilst presenting as my masculine self (complete with beard these days).
My wife knows but is not overly supportive which is a source of great frustration because I know that when I am in the clothes I love I am a much happier, relaxed and fun person to be with. I really wish she could share that with me.
These days I wear denim or cord skirts with mainly opaque but sometimes sheer tights. Everything else tends to be masculine. I am trying to venture out more often but I find it more challenging than being fully crossed dressed where I felt hidden. That said when I do pluck up the courage to go to the garage or Costa I love it. So far I’ve had no abuse.
The sensual side is a bit more complex but that’s probably best discussed elsewhere (SM😊).
I have also had a professional makeover, just once, although I’m going to again because the results were amazing and made me feel so feminine. I dress up at home but only on rare occasions when I know for sure that I won’t be disturbed, or caught, but the effect isn’t as exciting or convincing as the professional makeover I had. Nobody else knows that I like dressing en-femme, I’ve never told anyone and have never been out whilst dressed up, and I don’t really understand why I enjoy it so much. That being said, I am planning and have booked another make-over for next week that includes an escorted trip to a crossdressing bar/nightclub. I am quite apprehensive about being out in public completely en-femme for the first time, but also really excited. I’m thinking about what look to go for on the big night and would appreciate any advice from others who might have had similar experiences. Currently I’m imagining myself in an ultra feminine look with heavy make-up, a tight fitting slinky dress and killer heels. I’d also like to shave my legs before the makeover but am not sure how I’d explain this to my wife, who doesn’t know that I like to crossdress.
Scott I feel u! I love my guy mode! Then mix it with femme clothes Keep on pushing the envelope
Hi all I’ve been dressing in lingerie stockings and tights and skirts and heels for many years now .I always get home from work and then dress in something that just make me comfortable and happy and just happens to be all the above mentioned.i have one friend that knows she found out about it 4 years ago and loves the fact I dress . I have no desire to try and look like a woman I never wear macup or wigs in fact I have a beard it’s obvious I’m a guy. I just love the feeling of wearing those types of clothes it make me happy. Last weekend I decided it’s time I ventured out into the big world dressed so I went to my local supermarket 5 inch black ankle boots burgundy opaque tights short grey and black skirt and knitting top . I walked right though town did my shopping and went home .not all the people I encountered were positive towards me but most were even if it just a nice smile or a simple you look nice and they are the things I focus on and I’m now looking forward to going out dressed again because your only get one go around so be happy
Some great comments on here , I’ve already posted recent but just wanted to add I commend your courage for venturing out , I’d love to dress up and go out and love wearing these products , but it will never happen ,
At 53 I’m still unsure of my sexuality , I’ve always dated women , and never dated a guy , but would like one date to see what’s truly going on inside me but that will never happen either , so in my head as a fantasy it will remain , if anyone feels the same and wants an imaginary lover that they’ll never meet but stay in the closet and keep the conversation clean pop my initials in your blog SM
Ally I feel u I figured myself out and now I m a male that loves feeling sexy in my lingerie and wearing toenail polish and heels etc I wear a little makeup 💄 So i m just me not what I thought i have to be because i like femme clothes Be yourself
Nice blog and very informative. I like to dress femme but only go “out” when a professional makeover is done. I cannot seem to apply makeup the right way. However, when I do go out it is fun and I love the way I feel. My SO is accepting and supportive but prefers me in my panties dressed as a man. It is okay as she does give me an outlet and it seems to satisfy my inner femme. Especially since she lets me dress at home and wear panties whenever I like. Love the XDress products and how they make me feel. Especially he satin! New gingham panties is super cute!
I remember I was young about 7 or 8 and their was a fancy dress competition at my junior school , My parents suggested I go as a girl , and I could wear my sisters dress , with a little make up , I agreed . I remember on the day I wore a green dress and off I went to the school gates .
After mixing I felt a little awkward and people were laughing and mocking me , so after entering the competition I made my way home with embarrassment. A few hours later I heard I had won the school fancy dress , and was elated .
As an adult now I always get complements on my girly eyes and long eye lashes , so I guess when I was young I was pretty . When I first came across this site it brought all them feelings back , my heart began racing so I made my first order , I fell in love instantly with the products , they make me feel feminine sexy and most of all confused , which makes me excited and aroused . I remember at 15 having a crush on a boy at school but kept it hidden as thought it was just hormones and nothing else , but my feelings for him were very strong , it’s all I could think about ,
Thirty years later I’m still in the closet , I’d love nothing more than to put on a beige skirt , pale pink heels , a floral blouse , make up , and pop into town , but haven’t the confidence . I enjoy wearing these products in secret , but would just love the confidence to dress up , go out , and hold another man in my arms . My partner has said she thinks I’m gay and do whatever makes me happy , but I just haven’t the confidence, so under my clothes they remain a secret … for now X
Hi Martin and all you other lovely dressers
He to she make-overs are a fabulous treat when you can get them aren’t they. They just never seem to last long enough though. And I can never replicate the make-up.
One of the attitude changes I’ve been making recently is to stop thinking that I’m dressing like a woman. Instead, I just think of myself as a guy wearing a dress and a bit of make-up. The effect is different because I now adopt a style that is more a reflection of what I am, rather than trying to immitate what I’m not.
I’m loving buying dresses that suit me, and fit me, and shoes I can walk in. I’m having a lot of fun with opaque coloured tights too.
Of course, some gorgeous Xdress satin and lace underneath just makes me feel so much better as well.
I have had a professional “he to she” makeover a couple of times and have been thrilled with the results (I actually wouldn’t have recognised myself!). I also occasionally dress en-femme in private when I know I won’t be discovered or disturbed. I’d love to share my feminine self with my wife, who doesn’t know that I have an en-femme alter ego, but I don’t feel confident that she’d be accepting. I am straight and happy with my gender but just occasionally would love to go out dressed up as a woman. I haven’t got the confidence or had the opportunity yet but think that if my wife knew and was understanding about my secret desire then that could change. I’d love it if one evening my wife did my makeup and we both dressed up in lingerie, a dress and heels before enjoying an evening out on the town. One day maybe…
So many really nice posts on this topic.
There are some nice block heel ankle boots in fashion at the moment and they make a great femme addition to skinny jeans. I like to wear necklaces and bracelets too.
Fun to be had.
Winter is the time for opaque tights and hold-ups too. I have some lovely mustard colour ones and ones with sausage dogs on. Great for wearing under a tunic dress. Leggings are a nice femme touch under a tunic dress too.
I think in winter people are too worried about keeping warm to worry about what other people are wearing.
I love reading these blogs. I present to the outside world about as masculine as a man can be. However I underdress 99.999% of the time. I shave my entire body and nobody says anything. I go for pedicures with my wife and get clear. Recently on vacation I wore a woman’s tankini bottoms to the beach. They are shorts but really short. Not one word or odd look. My wife says just be confident. We were in the mall and as we were walking past the massage store my wife says her back hurts and lets get massages. Without hesitation she walked in, ordered 2 massages and told them she wanted a male and I wanted a female. The girls escorts me in the back and says everything off but underwear. OMG I am wearing a black sheer and lace hipster. Stripped down, covered up with a towel and went with it. Not a word was said about them. I wear whatever androgynous clothing that is female that I can. I am extremely thankful that my wife totally supports me.
This article is so welcomed! Like the others, I’ve been coming out of my shell, and have been expanding my courage to wearing such garments that en femme me also! There’s an American patriot in Germany that wears heels, skirts and hose every day, and he gave the courage to take a step forward in that direction. I’ve had nothing but fascination smiles, and some of the best compliments ever! And like a few here, I’m 54 and enjoy my new way of living, as long as I have decorum for those times where that just wouldn’t be appropriate!
My experiences have be to underdress at first and as time progressed I started pushing the envelope by wearing women’s jeans. No one ever said anything except how good they looked Then I added women’s sweaters still only compliments. So I added make up Nothing heavy just concealer foundation and mascara and lip balm Never anything except u look great what are you doing? I d say each person better look at their situation and decide if its worth the backlash for your SO your children your family and ur job Now however most jobs are accepting Get ur lingerie on Stevie
Great post! I follow the same path, start out easy and comfortable and then try and take it up a notch. I’ve been wearing men’s lingerie for a while now and probably own more bras than the average woman does. Got all kinds of styles from teddies to garters. Of course I wear those under my pants and shirts so it’s pretty safe. My next step up was to wear heels out in public. First I was wearing them to the store and while I may get some weird glares from people waiting for the traffic light while I cross the street, most people kinda ignore it anyway. No snickers no comments. After all, people are there shopping and don’t really care what anyone is wearing. I work as an usher at a performing arts theater and I started wearing the heels there while I was working. For the most part, the comments were very positive and any negative comments were more out of ignorance than anything else. People are becoming more acceptable of my heels and are beginning to realize that is what I am all about. Older people probably roll their eyes and keep quiet. Of course, most of the compliments I get are from other women and I get a lot of smiles from women too. My next step is to wear heels, tights/pantyhose and tie it together with some skirts/skorts I’ve been buying lately (yes I even have a Victoria Secrets credit card). I’ve been wearing skirts to the store but I’ve been covering them up with longer shirts so it looks more like shorts than a skirt. So I’ll see how that turns out. I may eventually want to do the entire transformation through crossdressing but right now I’m taking the baby steps and enjoying the adventure as it unfolds.
I like the advice to start slow. There’s no pressure/expectation on appearance if you’re not ready (if it ever comes at all). Go at your own your pace. Thank you for that! :)