Greetings dear readers. I hope this blog finds you well and healthy. I don’t know about you, but this whole virus thing is wearing me down. Anxieties are running high as we are confronted with living in a real-time science fiction movie right now. So, let’s take a break from all this and have some fun.
Today, I’d like to talk with you about a few do’s and don’ts in the world of crossdressing. I’m going to throw a few out just to get the conversation going. I’d love for you to share any do’s and don’ts that occur to you.
First, DO own who you are. What I mean is, a lot of us have struggled with acknowledging to ourselves that our sense of who we are is broader than the conventional definition of male and female. Just because you like to wear pretty things and let the inner femme come out doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. DON’T pathologize yourself. Just because you like to wear lingerie, skirts, and blouses does not mean that you are some kind of pervert or that the neighbors should keep their children locked in the house. Celebrate your inner femme! Be who you are!
Next, DO dress your age and body-build appropriate. If you are a middle-aged man who weighs 240 pounds, DON’T dress like a twenty-something lady of the night. The exception to this DON’T is cosplay. If you have fun role-playing, knock yourself out and have fun! XDress has some great cosplay outfits. What I’m talking about is everyday wear. If you can pass in public, this DO is especially important. I couldn’t begin to pass, but I still adhere to this rule.
Next, DO listen to your spouse or SO. DON’T outrun your spouse/SO, regarding her/his comfort level with how far you go with your cross dressing. Sometimes we have to take baby steps to stay in that special someone’s comfort zone. Listen, and be respectful.
Next, with regard to makeup, remember the adage – less is more. DO apply makeup tastefully. For an in-depth treatment on this topic, you can read my blog on makeup here. DON’T put on heavy makeup that makes you look like a circus clown – that is unless you are a circus clown. To get some great pointers, you can visit a beautician for a makeover. It’s not considered all that unusual anymore for men to get makeovers.
Regarding jewelry, the same rule applies as with makeup – less is more. DO wear tasteful rings, bracelets, necklaces, and earrings. DON’T look like Mr. T! I wear earrings and bracelets regularly – including out in public. It is fortunate that our society is becoming more accepting of men who wear both makeup and jewelry. Just don’t overdo it. Also, the quality of your jewelry is important. Junk jewelry looks exactly like that – junk.
One last DO for you: when you are dressed as a gurl, move like a gurl. DON’T walk like a football player. I’ve seen crossdressers that didn’t follow this rule, and they looked ridiculous. The difference in body motion between men and women is absolutely fascinating. When I first started studying this topic, I was amazed at the subtle differences. How we walk, hold our arms and hands, posture our bodies, the length of our stride, movement of hips – all of this differs from men and women.
Even how we look at our fingernails is different. Ask a man to look at his fingernails, and he will lift his hands and curl his fingers down, with the nails pointing downward. As a lady to look at her fingernails, and she will lift her hands and extend her fingers straight up. I’ve tested this difference with several men and women, and every single one of them showed this difference. I have two recommendations for you to become better educated on this fascinating topic.
First, there are some excellent sites on the internet that have excellent information. Secondly, after you have become more informed from your research, start observing women – well, in a socially appropriate manner, that is. Once you know what you are looking for, you will spot the differences more easily. It’s especially helpful if you have a spouse/girlfriend who is accepting of your crossdressing. She can be both a role model and coach.
Okay, so much for my thoughts on the do’s and don’ts of being a gurl. Your turn. Let’s have some fun with this one. Share with all of us the do’s and don’ts that occur to you. If you don’t have one, chime in anyway. If you are like me, you have plenty of time on your hands right now, what with the stay at home order many of us are now under. Speaking of which, this is a direct order from you Aunt Angie – wash your hands frequently, avoid unnecessary travel/exposure, keep yourselves safe. I know, I know – you’ve heard all this about a bazillion times by now, but hey, I’m your self-appointed Aunt and I get to say stuff like that! Stay safe, stay pretty.
Finally a shout out to David and Kristina and the wonderful folks at XD/BA. Thanks for all the efforts you are taking to continue to supply us with our beloved lingerie while taking all precautions to keep us safe. You guys are the greatest!
Hello XDRESS my name is Emily I’m a 35 years old Pre-Op transgender woman. I been transgender 1 Year 5 Months. I do like wearing dresses Sometime I like wearing pants and T-Shirt. Under my pants and T-Shirt I wear a bra and panties. I do some have some breast development from having been on hormones for a year, so I wear bras. Some bras fit me others do not. I like XDRESS bras because they fit my breasts. I like wearing XDRESS panties they feel Sexy went I put them on. My do’s and don’ts is don’t put on too much makeup and dress appropriate. A nice simple dress is Ok. As a transgender woman it taken me a while to understand the womean’s way to life. I do not have a wife but a boyfriend who acceptsd me as a transgendered woman, but I did have a girlfriend in the past. Being a woman is not easy in today society.
I agree with you other married men should use caution and test the waters slow because every situation and relationship is different. Me and my wife have been married for 20 years and I felt comfortable with coming out about wearing panties first and we worked our way up with bras and so forth. I’m still the man she she married it’s just we are into. She really likes the reverse role play and dressing me up as her sissy hubby. What really help us is seeing that xdress makes a lot of there stuff for men and is directed towards men . With that said it gives us men something sexy to wear also. I also have panties made for woman and bras but the fit isn’t as good and it harder to find the right cut to hold thing in when shopping else wear. Thanks Carlie
I am so happy for you that you can share this with your SO
Its so much better when they know
I do suggest caution to those who are deciding whether or not to tell
Test the waters first as it can be pretty traumatic to them
Even if they seem to accept beware of the desire to go all out dressing in the beginning
Take it slow at first
And most importantly still be the man they married or partnered with as this can be a major disruptive force if their man disappears
Wear something pretty today i m
Ally x, good advice for Christina. Tim, take the plunge! Ordering from XD is easy and delivery is uber fast.
I wish I could dress up like your guys, I need to order.
Hi Cristina – if you can find a dressing service near you then perhaps a visit to that will help. Or if you are transitioning then perhaps the support of a Transgender group close to you.
I like to tell you that I am a mtf crossdresser and I am 72 years old and my wife is aware of my dressing and in fact we have gone shopping in malls as gurlfriends. I told my wife that I had a dream that i wore a long gold evening gown and 6 inch heels and she said oh my so I got up and put everything on and showed her and she said i look good as a women and that was overt twenty years ago. I have to admit that now being in a sexless marriage that i appreciate being with men more when i am out in public dressed. So gurls that are like me there is pleasure being out in public and dating men
Hi Christina. I found your post of April 12 very thought provoking. I’d like to share some thoughts that, hopefully, will be helpful to you. You said you are pre-op male to female transitioning. You also said you are having trouble bringing out your feminine side. I think “transitioning” may be key to what you are dealing with. As you transition, your sense of your total self is probably transitioning as well. When you said your “feminine side” what does that mean for you? I think most of the wonderful readers here have found this feminine sense of self to evolve and change over time. I certainly know that is true for me. It is possible you are having difficulty in bringing out your feminine side because you don’t know exactly who she is. If that is true, it begins to answer why you are having problems with choosing clothes and colors. Our clothing, after all, is an outward expression of the inner self. If that inner self is in flux for you, it would follow that the outer expression would be a very fluid thing at this point in your development.
I think the best advice I could give you is to, first of all, don’t overthink it. Don’t think of your feminine self as a goal, but rather as a journey. It changes over time. Secondly, although this is a terribly worn out cliche, live in the moment. That is, just be who you feel yourself to be at the moment without worrying about where you “should” be. If today you feel like wearing a skirt, wear a skirt. If today you feel more like wearing men’s blue jeans, that’s where you are in the moment – wear blue jeans. Just flow with it without imposing expectations on yourself. You’ve come far enough in your transition to, hopefully, throw off a lot of conventional societal expectations, so enjoy that freedom you have given yourself without boxing yourself in with self-imposed expectations of what your feminine self should look like. That will change over time. Just go with it sweetie, and see what happens!
Any thoughts from other folks here that might help Christina? We have some really smart readers here.
I’m a Pre-Operation Male to Female and lesbian. And I’ve been having trouble bringing out my feminine side, my Fiance that’s also Male to Female and lesbian, and we’re also having trouble finding the right things to wear. She saw a few things and so did I but we can’t figure out which one to pick because we like each others picks, but can’t choose a color of our choices.
Hi Stevie – I’d forgotten how nice it is to wear a dress around the house. This one has a boat neck Nathan. I prefer cowl necks but I have a nice necklace I can wear with this one. I could do with a new bag though. A black suede clutch bag with this dress I think. That would go well with my ankle boots.
We just need parties to be allowed again now!
Love dresses, never get to wear except at home, love them with heels 👠
Wear something pretty today, i am
Sounds gorgeous Ally! I agree that the looser materials around the chest and shoulder are really flatter us well as it gives that illusion of a bigger bust and narrow shoulders.
I recently bought a few cowl neck tops that are absolutely exquisite, and I have felt so confident wearing a style before. It’s always a wonderful feeling when you can be feminine confident at the same time.
Dresses and skirts are such an essential piece to the feminine wardrobe and they are certainly the most comfortable (and beautiful) when you find the right kinds. I would never resort to just trousers as that’s all I did before I began dressing! Although, I do love a cute pair of leggings.
Anyway, enjoy your day everyone! I really do enjoy these comment threads.
I just thought I’d say that I am thriiled with the dress I bought earlier in the week. I tried it on yesterday and it is perfect. I don’t buy dresses that often as I don’t wear them much. I’ve been happy to go down the ‘feminine but trousered’ look of late. However, a conversation with Nathan on another blog here got me thinking of how much I enjoy a dress when it looks and feels right.
I spied a nice batwing dress in a sale and thought it would be really good on me. The thing I like about batwing dresses is that they give you room around the shoulders and chest. Men typically have broader shoulders and narrower hips than women and batwing dresses disguise that difference quite nicely whilst still resulting in a very feminine look.
The dress I chose had shorter sleeves than I would like, but I’m not terribly hairy and nor do I have forearms like a builder. It was a little shorter that I would normally wear but I’m ok with that too as my legs are not bad. It’s a beautiful jersey material again, with a nice multi-coloured metallic thread woven in. It has a lovely weight so that hangs well too. All the bumps disappear. I tried it on with my opaque hold-ups and black suade ankle boots and it was perfect. Just needs a little jewellery around the neck and some bangles on the wrists now.
It’s a bit of a party dress, so now I can’t wait to wear it out to a party! The I can try out the do’s and dont’s of being a gurl too!
Love to you all
I agree that the tactile feeling of a bra is very sensual. Undressing is all the rage to me !
Wear something pretty today I am
I enjoy nylons, corsets, and recently male bras from Xdress but feel these are sensual not feminine. Love the sensuality of wearing nylon lingerie underneath while wearing a suit or flannel shirt and Levi’s. Thanks for “listening.”
‘Picked up’ I meant.
(Still can’t wait to try it on though. So exciting!)
Hi Stevie – yes. Where were all these comments 30 years ago. It was torture!
Just pocked up a lovely new dress I bought today. Can’t wait to try it on!
Wow, where were all these comments 30 yrs ago lol
I love all of you! I have learned so much from this blog and it has helped so much in my crossdressing journey!
This was a very important topic.
I love the idea of dressing to find balance and to dress for your own personal sense of self and not necessarily for impersonation. It brings me back to the idea that we have been conditioned to think that because we like these things we have to fully transform in to a woman.
While thats ok if you are trapped in the wrong body, there are so many of us who have a feminine itch that needs to be scratched and expressed
And it comes inso many variations
Wear something pretty today, I am
Thank you all for your great comments. I’m am continually impressed with the intelligence and maturity of the contributors to the blogs on XD.
Stevie, I’m with you – crowd the boundaries, just be cautious. Like you, I love foundation, as it smooths out the color of my skin. I too wear girly jeans – in fact they are the only jeans I wear. The fit and look are way above what men’s jeans can offer. Panties under the jeans? Of course! Like you, bras when I can (which is like every day right now). Being confined to home, I’m wearing a pretty frost pink on fingers and toes. Hey – if we have to stay at home, might as well have some girly fun!
Nathan, I can tell from your response that you get it. Yes, there are some guidelines that we should observe, in terms of appropriate dress. The trick is we didn’t grow up with all of this understanding that gg’s have had all of their lives. A lot of CD’s tend to overstate femininity in the early going, simply because of that lack of experience and knowing. You obviously understand the subtleties of proper dress. Thanks for you comment.
Ally x, you made three comments that I would like to understand. First, thank goodness you found the right therapist. There are supposed therapists out there that have no idea of what they are doing and don’t understand the transgender population at all. You found one that did. Good for you! Secondly, you made a very important comment when you said, “I began to care more about the balance I achieved between femininity and my own male physical characteristics. This has led me to comfort in my style rather than impersonation of stereotypical female style.” You so nail it when you refer to “impersonation of stereotypical female style”. That’s where we can get into trouble – trying to impersonate females, rather than fitting into the female part of who we are, and all the trappings (lingerie, clothes, makeup, and jewelry) that truly express who we are – not what we want to be. Lastly, you referred to deportment. Right on, dear sister. Deportment is so important. I will have more to say on that important topic in a future blog – stay tuned!
Hi there Angie and everybody out there
I think one of the most important things in this blog is the assurance that you shouldn’t beat yourself up if you really crave a feminine look.
I spent some time doing that and looking for some ‘thing’ that would make me stop. Fortunately I came across a counsellor who offered me the idea that there was no reason to stop if that is what I enjoy. She offered the idea that there are people who enjoy dressing in a more flamboyant way and that brings colour and wdifference into the world.
Once I took on board those ideas I became more comfortable with dressing and began to view it as more of a creative exercise. Once I began to view it as a more creative exercise I began to care more about the balance I achieved between femininity and my own male physical characteristics. This has led me to comfort in my style rather than impersonation of stereotypical female style.
Right now I’m happy in lycra leggins and kitten heels around the house with some light touches of jewellery and make up. It’s also important to practice deportment whenever you can – even if you are in male mode. It then becomes habit rather than effort.
Love to you all and stay safe
Angie, this a great blog. I think it was necessary for someone to lay out some guidelines like you did. To be more easily accepted as an xdresser, it is essential that we dress for our body types to make it look more natural, which applies to makeup as well.
I feel far more comfortable while out and about while dressed when I wear things that flatter my physique, as opposed to things that only look good on a female body. We all look in the mirror after we dress, and we always know when our outfit just doesn’t suit our bodies.
To all future commenters, don’t forget to check older blogs now and then! A lot of conversations are still happening, so don’t miss out!
Again, thanks for your blog Angie!
Luv the dos and don’t and agree with all of them.
I m not passable and don’t try but then again i don’t go out fully in femme. But I do wear what many consider a different type of wardrobe.
While I mainly wear traditional make garb, I do push the limits when I can.
Light makeup for me is foundation mascara concealer
I wear women s jeans and panties (if not wearing xdress panties) bras when i can. I polish and paint my toenails
I shave smooth naughty areas and chest
Women’s sweaters and t neck in the winter
I love my heels at home
I definitely accept i love pretty sexy femme styles and that’s MY STYLE
those are my DO S
Wear something pretty today I am
On it if only to yourself!
Jaclyn, you are so welcome. I hope this blog and the responses will be helpful to you. You are far from alone, when it comes to having a spouse that isn’t all that accepting of your inner femme and desire to express her in your choice of dress. You might take a look at my blog, “Getting the Wife Onboard” for some possible ideas. You can read it at https://xdress.com/blogs/news/getting-the-wife-onboard
Best of luck to you!
Hey Angie and all of the wonderful gurls that come here,
Great subject. I’ve been dressing for years for my personal pleasure when I’m alone. I just never had anyone that could advise me on what I was doing right or doing wrong. I just know that I love to dress my lingerie put on my makeup and lounge around the house. I love to walk by the mirror and see my transformation from a manly man to a beautiful woman.
I hope a lot of you gurls come here and help me to be better at what I love doing, being feminine and wearing feminine items. Maybe some pointers on how to get my wife to accept this side of me. I have told her about my feminine side but she is not accepting of it. But mostly I just want to hear from others on what they do to feel their best.
Angie, thanks so much for providing this blog to us and the ability to express ourselves. Sometimes I feel like a weirdo with wanting to do all of my female things, so it’s great to come hear and find out there are others like me.
By the way, the new picture of the goth model is super sexy.