In no way do I believe that the way I feel about cross-dressing is the way everyone who cross-dresses feels. And that includes people who are born male but identify as female or those that are on a male to female transition journey – we all have our own feelings. But I find a simple happiness in recognizing, and accepting, that I find it all just so exciting!
And what’s wrong with that?
I don’t ask anyone to accept my preferences for wearing lacy and satin underwear and stay-up stockings. I’m kind of OK that the majority of the world won’t accept my cross-dressing as ‘normal’. To an extent I would feel comfortable going about my daily business dressed ‘en-femme’. Heaven knows, it might even feel less exciting if I got to do it on the daily amongst others!
The excitement of wearing gorgeous lingerie, skirts, tops, heels and make-up (I can’t get used to wigs) began, for me, at an early age – like it did for many of you, I guess. It remains today. I’ve purged, I’ve tried to control my feelings – but it comes back just as strong. And why should I resist?
Our old friend Aristotle thought of a life of pleasure as enough for a good life or a life well-lived – alongside a life of honour, wealth, health, or eminence. Take your pick. Some psychologists suggest a good life is a mixture of pleasurable, meaningful and varied experiences. Others say that hedonic goal pursuits (e.g. having fun) may be just as important for our well-being as long-term goal pursuits (e.g. learning something new to get a better job).
On that basis, a little of what I fancy ought to do me good!
In truth, I wonder if I can even justify - as if I need to – my cross-dressing as something that puts me in touch with my feminine side. After all, what is either feminine or masculine about clothes?
Do I wear women’s clothes? No, I wear my clothes. It’s just that most people probably associate my clothes with those mainly worn by women – whereas Aristotle and his friends probably knew a thing or two about wearing a skirt, or ‘a chiton’ as it might have been called.
Do I feel feminine when I wear my lingerie and dresses? Well, how would I know what feeling feminine feels like? I’m not even sure what feeling masculine feels like. Do women spend their lives feeling feminine any more than I spend my life feeling masculine? Probably not. Although, there seems to be a lot of evidence to suggest that people have a male or female experience of the world, I think that’s probably a little different to feeling either masculine or feminine.
Maybe what I do in cross-dressing is construct my own feminine ideal and find that exciting to occupy for a little space of time. I find it hard to imagine that, in general, women feel as excited as I do when dressed in what they wear on a daily basis. However, I can also imagine that some women might do.
British artist Grayson Perry has said that people accept his cross dressing because he is an artist – he’s “allowed to be weird”. At the same time, he accepts that attitudes towards him might be different if he were a banker. Though in no way should this permit intimidation, aggression and exclusion towards people that harmlessly digress from societal norms.
In day-to-day life I’m probably more banker than artist. My dressing remains hidden, subtle, or in accepting company.
I don’t want to tell you what the reasons for cross-dressing are or should be. It’s good enough for me to be excited by the looks I can create. A creative act or even a delusional one at times – I’m no cat-walk model. Should it matter? Like any craft it takes time, practice, and experimentation to create a satisfying work.
Do you need to find reasons for what you do? Or is it enough discovering the fact that 'It’s All Just So Exciting!'
Justin
34 comments
Justin, a great blog. It is illogical that certain styles of dress and fabrics are designated as “female”, while others are “masculine”. Most things are not attached to a gender. Sports are possibly an exception where there tends to be a vague distinction, more often than not based on the physical strength involved, but both men and women are generally free to cross over. But with clothing society is not as forgiving. Women can wear adaptions of masculine styles without comment, but not so for men who are attracted to feminine styles of dress. Fortunately society has changed for the better in the last couple of years, with the advent of shows like Rue Paul’s Drag Race, and as Randy mentioned, its interesting that some of the bigger brands are coming out with gender neutral clothing. I don’t honestly see gender neutral working for all clothing as men and women do have different shapes, but I do embrace the idea.
Great Blog with great posts. Yes it exciting to get dressed up. I usually confine my dressing to being around the house on days off. Usually sleep in lingerie—especially camisoles, teddies, long night gowns, etc. My day look is usually skirts and silk blouse with a blazer, high heels, and panty hose—the executive career women look when I am around the house. At least four days a week when at work , running errands around town, or working in the yard, I usually wear panties and a bra under my male clothes. As I work in retail I am noticing that there are more clothes being sold as unisex. I choose to “dress” because I want to and feel comfortable doing it. Fortunately, I had a mother who approved—actually taught me how to do make-up and have a boyfriend who approves also. Interested in hearing more thoughts on this great topic. Joanne.
Hey Gurls, Love the new blog too, love dressing in my panties every day. I have a drawer full of bras and some dresses, skirts, nylons, and a few pairs of hottie shoes. I love putting on matching bra and panties, slide in my “D” size inserts, and walk around the house. My wife is ok with some of it, she bought most of my panties for me. My fantasy is to be more regular with my comfortable enfemme style, I venture out in heels and my bra full of inserts. It’s a thrill and love to go into the dry cleaners, pharmacy, or get my haircut. I’m in love with this freedom to be me.
Hi everyone – I’m pleased to see my blog post resonated with some of you.
To James – it’s just so important to be yourself when you’re older. Best not to leave the world wishing you’d enjoyed youself more!
To AE – that’s great to hear. Yes, I think there is a younger generation more accepting of gender fluid dressing and we can see this trend in the outputs of some of the major fashion houses; and, of course, our very own and very special Xdress. I think when I was growing up there was a fluid trend in the New Romantic movement associated with pop culture – Boy George and others. However, that fluidity in younger people now, may have moved beyond the confines of the art or music world into a broader way of being. I love to see young people expressing their identities in fluud ways. Power to your child.
To Stevie, Stephen and Sissy – you just do what you want to do for whatever reason you like! One of my few guiding principles in life is quite simply, ‘do no harm’.
Have fun everyone
Justin
Hi Justin, I too have felt the same at a young age. I fought the urges but stopped fighting them at 73. I like the way it makes me feel wearing nice frilly clothes and it does excite me too. Enjoyed reading your blog hope to see more soon. Jim