In no way do I believe that the way I feel about cross-dressing is the way everyone who cross-dresses feels. And that includes people who are born male but identify as female or those that are on a male to female transition journey – we all have our own feelings. But I find a simple happiness in recognizing, and accepting, that I find it all just so exciting!
And what’s wrong with that?
I don’t ask anyone to accept my preferences for wearing lacy and satin underwear and stay-up stockings. I’m kind of OK that the majority of the world won’t accept my cross-dressing as ‘normal’. To an extent I would feel comfortable going about my daily business dressed ‘en-femme’. Heaven knows, it might even feel less exciting if I got to do it on the daily amongst others!
The excitement of wearing gorgeous lingerie, skirts, tops, heels and make-up (I can’t get used to wigs) began, for me, at an early age – like it did for many of you, I guess. It remains today. I’ve purged, I’ve tried to control my feelings – but it comes back just as strong. And why should I resist?
Our old friend Aristotle thought of a life of pleasure as enough for a good life or a life well-lived – alongside a life of honour, wealth, health, or eminence. Take your pick. Some psychologists suggest a good life is a mixture of pleasurable, meaningful and varied experiences. Others say that hedonic goal pursuits (e.g. having fun) may be just as important for our well-being as long-term goal pursuits (e.g. learning something new to get a better job).
On that basis, a little of what I fancy ought to do me good!
In truth, I wonder if I can even justify - as if I need to – my cross-dressing as something that puts me in touch with my feminine side. After all, what is either feminine or masculine about clothes?
Do I wear women’s clothes? No, I wear my clothes. It’s just that most people probably associate my clothes with those mainly worn by women – whereas Aristotle and his friends probably knew a thing or two about wearing a skirt, or ‘a chiton’ as it might have been called.
Do I feel feminine when I wear my lingerie and dresses? Well, how would I know what feeling feminine feels like? I’m not even sure what feeling masculine feels like. Do women spend their lives feeling feminine any more than I spend my life feeling masculine? Probably not. Although, there seems to be a lot of evidence to suggest that people have a male or female experience of the world, I think that’s probably a little different to feeling either masculine or feminine.
Maybe what I do in cross-dressing is construct my own feminine ideal and find that exciting to occupy for a little space of time. I find it hard to imagine that, in general, women feel as excited as I do when dressed in what they wear on a daily basis. However, I can also imagine that some women might do.
British artist Grayson Perry has said that people accept his cross dressing because he is an artist – he’s “allowed to be weird”. At the same time, he accepts that attitudes towards him might be different if he were a banker. Though in no way should this permit intimidation, aggression and exclusion towards people that harmlessly digress from societal norms.
In day-to-day life I’m probably more banker than artist. My dressing remains hidden, subtle, or in accepting company.
I don’t want to tell you what the reasons for cross-dressing are or should be. It’s good enough for me to be excited by the looks I can create. A creative act or even a delusional one at times – I’m no cat-walk model. Should it matter? Like any craft it takes time, practice, and experimentation to create a satisfying work.
Do you need to find reasons for what you do? Or is it enough discovering the fact that 'It’s All Just So Exciting!'
Justin
34 comments
When I was young about 14 I would sneak in my step mums room, when everyone was out, I would go through her drawers and even found topless polaroid’s of her.
One time she came home early and she caught me looking in her drawers so she picked out all her sexy black lingerie and told me to put them on they included stockings suspenders with matching bra and knickers, I couldn’t fasten the suspenders so she did it for me and to my embarrassment it was so obvious I was enjoying it and the more she stared the more excited I got. She said as you like wearing my underwear so much we should buy you your own next time I go shopping in fact we will go together and you can pick what you like………..more to come
Lance and Larry so sorry to hear that ur in the closet but I understand cause my wife knows i like crossdressing but doesn’t like it; its so hard because you HAVE TO CROSSDRESS! And yiu will find a way! So the sneaking and the hiding is a horrible feeling Keep the faith sometimes the wives come around Be confident that ur not alone Get ur lingerie on ! Stevie
Told my wife I like wearing panties. She is not accepting it well. Maybe she will come around over time. Some guys are lucky when a wife accepts it.
Dear Justin, Thank you for the articulated article. It was an addictive read. Wish there were more outlets like this to tales about my other life. I am a married and closeted bisexual that can’t stop dressing up. Late night when everyone is asleep I dress and post. It makes me whole and feel free. I work from home and am able to dress up under my sweat clothes. I even go on video calls with Reg clothes up top and xdress below. Anyway, I want to say ur website and products have freed me from a darker place and I thank you for that.
Rianna, hi Yes dressing is exhilarating and relaxing and i also love come home and get into something even more girlie as I am an everyday lingerie wearer under my reg clothes.